


Baby Found

by silenceisdeafening



Series: Baby Found [1]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Age Play, Age Play Caregiver Yagami Light, Age Play Little L (Death Note), Age Regression/De-Aging, Anxiety, Autistic L (Death Note), Corporal Punishment, Crying, Cute L (Death Note), Diapers, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Forced Infantilism, Gags, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure L (Death Note), L Has Feelings (Death Note), L Needs a Hug (Death Note), L just wants to be good, M/M, Manipulation, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Spanking, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Poor L (Death Note), Possessive Behavior, Possessive Yagami Light, Protective Yagami Light, Restraints, Separation Anxiety, Sick Character, Sickfic, Spanking, Stockholm Syndrome, Stuffed Toys, Unhealthy Relationships, Wetting, Yagami Light is Kira, Yagami Light is Not Good, and spills his feelings to the wrong person, forced age play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28379358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceisdeafening/pseuds/silenceisdeafening
Summary: L is broken, and Light thinks he knows how to fix him.Read the tags, please.
Relationships: L & Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light
Series: Baby Found [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185866
Comments: 87
Kudos: 186





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags. This fic is dark and includes non-consensual infantilism and Stockholm Syndrome amongst other dark topics. If you don't like don't read. If you do like, read to your hearts content.

L was broken. Light figured that out after months of living chained to the other man. L would have nightmares about things that Light could not imagine, though he did hear some things that were concerning such as “no” and “help” and “stop” in English. Some other things were said in languages that Light could not understand. Never Japanese. 

Then, there were things that he would say while awake. While they were chained together, they had to shower together. The first time it was brought up, Light nearly did not take a shower, but knew that he would need to. So, he took the shower with L with his back turned to the older man most of the time. When L was under the shower head, he accidentally knocked over a bottle of shampoo. Light turned to see L crouching down to pick it up when Light saw it. A scar that ran from his left shoulder blade to nearly his middle back. 

“What’s that?” Light asked. 

L looked genuinely confused and looked around the shower as if he expected someone else to pop out, “what are you talking about, Light-Kun?” 

“Your back,” Light said. 

“Oh, that is from a long time ago,” L said in his normal monotone. 

“From what?” Light said without thinking about it.

“That is none of your business, Light-Kun,” L practically growled. 

“Fine, whatever,” Light said, rolling he eyes and turning his back to L. He was concerned, though.

It would be two weeks before Light got his answer. 

“You are staring, Light-Kun,” L said when they were getting dressed. 

“You stare at me all the time,” Light pointed out, staring as L’s scar was covered with his normal white shirt. 

“You are my prime suspect,” L said, attaching the cuff to his wrist over his shirt sleeve. 

“I’m not Kira,” Light denied for the thousandth time that day like he did everyday. 

L attached the cuff to Light’s wrist. He surprisingly did not say anything else about Kira.

“You stare at my back,” L said in a matter of fact tone. 

“That scar is bad,” Light said, in a matter of fact tone.

“I am aware,” L said, with a slight nod, putting on a new pair of jeans. Why the hell does L go to bed in jeans? Even if they are baggy, that cannot be comfortable. 

Light thought that would be the end of the conversation, but then, right before they climbed into their bed, L said, “my parents were not very nice.” 

“What?” Light asked, but L did not answer. That was the end of the conversation. 

Light was able to pick up bits and pieces of information from L about his parents and other people that hurt him. It was not too much information, but Light knew that L did not have a good life. He was broken, and probably had been since he was a child when his parents started to hurt him. 

Then he had disturbing thoughts. What if he could give L a new childhood? He had read about age regression one night when he could not sleep and stumbled across the weird side of the internet. He did not pay too much attention to it. As long as people did not hurt themselves or others with what they were doing, he did not care. He had not thought of it in years. But then, he thought about it in terms of L and L doing it with Light taking care of him. Light knew that L would, more than likely, never do that. He was too controlling over everything to ever give up any of that control and act like a child especially if it involved Light as a caregiver. Then, more morbid thoughts came to his mind. He could force L to participate in the age regression. Tie him down until he broke and let Light take care of him. But those thoughts were so dark and wrong and Light was sickened by them. He could not do that to his friend. He should not be thinking these things! What was wrong with him? 

So, Light pushed these thoughts into the back of his mind and hid them. He did not allow himself to think of those things ever again. He could not. 

But then, Higuchi happened and Light got his memories back. He realized that he did not want to kill L. The time that he spent with L made him sympathetic toward the older man. L deserved to have a better life. Not a life that he feels he has to work until he crashes just to catch dangerous criminals and put his life in danger. He deserved to have an actual life, not a life filled with pain and torment and nightmares. He deserves to have comfort and love. He deserved people to treat him like a human. No matter how much he did not like to act as if he were a human or acted like he did not have emotions. Light knew better than that. Light knew that L was a human with emotions. Light had seen L wake up crying from nightmares about parents that hurt him (no wonder he did not like to sleep) and heard too many horrific stories to believe that he was not human. He deserved to recover from all of his pain. 

That was when those thoughts came back. Technically, age regression was used as a type of therapy to help people overcome PTSD and other trauma. So, in theory, it could help L. There was just the fact that L would never agree to do it, so Light would have to force him. For some reason, those thoughts did not seem so wrong now, but he knew that he should not do anything like that. But he also knew that he could, with the right resources, he could do anything. He just needed to get those resources, and he knew just how to.

Light thought about his plan off and on for a few days. He was torn in a decision to kill L or kidnap him and treat him like a baby. He did not want to kill L anymore, but kidnapping L had so many potential consequences.

Little did L know that he sealed his own fate the second that he stepped out onto the roof on that rainy day. 

“I’m sorry,” L muttered when they came inside from the rain. Light was sitting down on the steps leading to the Task Force room attempting to dry his hair off with a towel. L had a towel on his head and was looking down at the floor. 

“It’s your fault we got stuck out in the rain,” Light said. He noticed the slight grimace on L’s face. L was surprisingly sensitive to criticism. 

L did not say anything as he knelt in front of Light and took his foot in his hand. 

“What are you doing?” Light asked, pulling his leg back at the contact. 

“Helping,” L said as if it were obvious, “I figured I would help since you are busy drying yourself. I could throw in a massage if you want.” 

“I don’t have to do that, Ryuzaki,” Light said, looking down at the man who refused to look up. 

“It is the least that I can do to atone for my sins,” L said casually. 

Light leaned back, trying to decipher if L was being genuine or trying to play a game. He could only hope that he was being genuine. 

“I’m actually pretty good at this,” L said when Light hesitated to speak. 

“Fine, do what you want,” Light said. 

‘L was pretty good at this,’ Light thought to himself after a few seconds, ‘where did he learn to do this? He probably practiced on himself. Wait? Is L crying?’

“L?” Light questioned, cupping his chin and attempting to lift his head so that he could see his face, but L flinched back. “You’re crying,” Light said. It would not be the first time that he saw L cry, but he only saw L cry after a nightmare. So, this is strange. 

L did not say anything. 

Light hummed and took his towel to help L dry off his hair, that was still dripping water onto his leg, though he knew it was not just water. 

“Thank you,” L muttered. 

“You’re welcome,” Light said back, then asked, “Now, why are you crying?” 

L muttered something, but Light could not hear him because he was talking so quietly. 

“You need to speak up for me to hear you,” Light said, and it was not the first time he said something like that. 

“I want to be good,” L said only slightly louder, then blushing at the admission. 

“What do you mean?” Light asked, shocked that L admitted that, though he knew that L had insecurities about being good enough. “You are good.” 

“Not good enough,” L whispered, “not good enough to catch Kira.” 

“You’re trying your best,” Light said, “we all are.” 

L hummed. Light could not tell what the hum meant, but he could tell that L was being genuine with his words. 

“But that is not it, is it?” Light asked, still drying his hair. 

L shook his head, “not good.” 

“Ryuzaki, you are good,” Light said, though he was thinking that he could be better. He fought not to smile. This conversation that he was having with L was serious and it would be inappropriate to smile. 

“Not to most people,” L said, being surprisingly open, “even Watari said I’m not good enough.” 

“That can’t be true,” Light raised an eyebrow. He could not believe that. He knew that L and Watari had a closer relationship than they projected. Watari was like a father figure to L, but even fathers could be cruel without realizing. Light felt angry at Watari for making L feel bad about himself even if he did not realize it. 

“He said I’m not good enough to catch Kira,” L told him, “said that Kira was better than me.” 

“That’s not true. We’ll catch Kira together,” Light said, though he knew that it was true. Kira was going to win, but he was not going to kill L. He could not, especially when he now knew that all L wanted to do was be “good enough.” L could be good enough. He could be such a good boy. He just needed someone to teach him, and Light was an amazing teacher. It would be difficult, but Light would teach L to be his good boy. 

“Okay,” L said, wiping his eyes free of tears. “we should change and get back to work, Light-Kun.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day after Light kidnaps L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Nonconsensual infantilism, nonconsensual drug use, restraining/ bondage, implied past abuse/ kidnapping

L groaned as he woke up. His head was pounding. Stupid migraines. He would need to call Watari to give him some pain medication. Unfortunately, he would need to sit today out. Migraines made him too sensitive to light and sound to stand working without running the risk of throwing up. 

L attempted to roll over to his side. For some reason, he was on his back, which was weird in of itself because he always slept curled up on his side or stomach with his knees tucked under him (Watari called him a frog when he slept like that). But he could not roll over, and he then felt padding around his wrists and ankles. 

L’s eyes then snapped open. He was restrained, and he needed to find a way out. He looked up and saw medical restraints around his wrists. He tried to pull on them, but they were attached firmly to the underside of the bed, and he could not get them to budge. But… wait, this was not a bed. L looked around to see bars high above his head. He was in a cage, but, no, it was not a cage. It did not have a top. It was a… crib. L’s stomach gave a sharp twist at that thought, but he knew that he was right. As he struggled against the restraints, he realized that there was a crinkling sound coming from inside the crib, cage, whatever he wanted to call it. He looked down and realized, in horror, that he was wearing a diaper. The diaper was covered in animated African animals such as a lion, a zebra, a giraffe, and a parrot. It was so thick and bulky between his legs that he could not close his legs completely, not that the restraints on his ankles helped in that department. 

What the hell was going on? He must have been kidnapped, he knew that, but why would whoever kidnapped him and restrained him in a crib with nothing to wear but an infantile diaper. 

L took a few deep breaths to calm the panic. He could not panic, not right now. This was not the first time that he had been kidnapped. He had been kidnapped a handful of times, the first time he was twelve and the last time was a couple of years before the Kira investigation. The last one was the worst, and he did not want to think about it. Usually, he would be put into a cold, dark room that had varying levels of difficulties to escape. A couple of times, he was restrained much like he was now to a regular bed or the wall. Those were the most difficult to escape, and he had to wait until Watari could save him a few times that he was kidnapped. About three of them, Watari has no idea about.

L tried to think about the last thing that he remembered, but it was difficult with the pain in his head, but he fought past it. He was in the Task Force room. He wanted to test the thirteen-day rule. The Task Force did not like the idea because, of course, that did not. They ended up agreeing. Then, Watari deleted all of the data. L could see it, bright white screens all around him with “All Data Deletion” in contrasting bold black. Watari would only do that if something terrible happened. Watari wasn’t... He could not be. 

L grunted as the pain in his head exploded. He squeezed his eyes closed against the pain as tears burned in his eyes that had nothing to do with the pain. 

Light more than likely did this to him.

Watari was dead. 

…

L had no idea how long he was lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. Mind-numbing broadness came over him after he counted the tiles in all the languages he knew. That was about an hour ago, but he could not be sure; his time perception has always been slightly skewed, especially when he had nothing to do. 

He tested his bonds again for something to do. He could bend his knees to about a 140 degree angle, so not much. He could not move side to side or up too much, so he could not kick. L sighed. His kick was his strongest. The restraints around his wrist were slightly looser. He could bend his elbows at ninety-degree angles and lift them up. He could not lift them up completely, but he could probably hit whoever did this to him. 

He would not lash out right away. He never did. He would figure out what the Hell Light (Kira) was doing and gain Kira’s trust. It would be difficult, especially if his worst fear was true and Kira was planning on treating him like a baby. He could not give in to the type of humiliation and vulnerability easily, but he gave into other things to gain the trust of a capture. Something that still gave him nightmares, but he would not dare speak a word of. 

L tugged at his binds again, and they did not give. If the red marks on his wrists and ankles said anything, they would not give. 

L sighed, almost wishing that Kira would come in. At least then, his stomach could stop twisting in anticipation and anxiety. Then, he would know what Light was planning. There was no way that Light was not monitoring him through video cameras or something else. So, he did not give Light the pleasure of seeing him struggle. 

He would just have to wait. 

…

Light smiled as he watched L. He was not struggling against the restraints too bad, which Light supposed that was not too big of a surprise. L would want to maintain a sense of control over the situation even if he did not have any control. He would need to learn that. He would need to shatter that control, and he knew how to do that. As much as he did not like the idea, he knew that he would have to spank L and use some harsh words to break that control. As well as get him to use his diapers and restrain him and drug him. 

It would be difficult in the early days, but it would be well worth it when he was finally broken and was his good baby. He would also use kindness to break L. He knew that L was, unfortunately, not used to kindness. Cuddling, using kind words, and treating him like a real baby would be the thing that breaks him. 

Light would become the center of L’s world. L would have no choice. 

Light decided after leaving L alone for two hours. He looked like he was getting bored, staring up at the ceiling and pulling on his restraints ever so often. When he entered the dimly lit room, L’s head snapped towards him. 

“Hi, L Lawliet,” Light said with a smile, noting the fear in L’s eyes when he used his last name. He would not go full-on with treating him like a baby yet. He would first explain how everything would work first. He expected some sort of fighting after the talk and expected some words that were not allowed anymore. 

“Kira,” L practically growled, sounding angry and scared. How did he figure out his last name, “release me, now.” 

Light hummed, walking up to L’s crib and looking down at him, “you are in no position to tell me what to do, Baby.” 

“I’m not a baby,” L’s eyes widened in even more horror, knowing that his fear was correct, along with Light knowing his last name, “you can’t treat me like one.” 

“Clever baby,” Light smiled, “figured it out already.”

“You’re more delusional than I thought if you believe that I will submit to what you want,” L said, not wanting to say what Light wanted him to submit to. He could not do it. Would not do it. 

“I thought you would say that,” Light said, “unfortunately, that is why I must do this. You must understand that I don’t want to hurt you. If you are good, I won’t have to hurt you.” 

“You don’t have to hurt me at all, Light-Kun,” L said. He forced the fear off of his face, but Light was not fooled. He knew that L was scared. He would not be for long. “You could let me go.” 

“Yes, but then you will do whatever you can to catch me, and I cannot allow that,” Light said, tapping his nose through the bars of the crib. L flinched back and away from the finger. 

“Why don’t you just kill me?” L asked. He had never been scared of death and knew that his boys (with all of the information about the Kira case that he sent to Wammy’s) could capture Light. Honestly, if it were between living life as Kira’s “baby” and death (as he knew Light would write his name down as soon as he was able to escape), he would choose death. 

“Because I can’t,” Light said, a strange tone of sadness in his voice, “and you’ll see. Being a baby won’t be so bad.” 

“You’re crazy,” L said, glaring. 

Light had been expecting much worse but still warned, “I’m going to take it easy on you today because I know that this is hard on you. But know that I will not tolerate disrespect or you trying to act like a big boy.” 

L assumed that was supposed to mean Light would punish him for “misbehaving,” and with how Light was instating on treating him like a child, he could only assume that Light would try and spank any misbehavior out of him. L was not afraid of any pain that Light would inflict on him. He was too used to pain. He would not allow pain to break him. 

“But I think that’s enough big boy words for you,” Light said, turning to walk somewhere else in the nursery. 

“What do you mean?” L asked, pushing his body up as much as he could so that he could see Light. He did not want a gag. Those made him feel weak and vulnerable. He could not speak (and his words were his greatest weapon), and he would eventually become a drooling, panicking mess. It was gross. 

“It’s okay, Baby, just getting your pacifier,” Light said, turning back with a pacifier that L knew would make it impossible to speak once it was in his mouth because of how big it was. The pacifier was attached to leather straps that would go around his head to keep it in place. Light did not want him to spit it out. 

“No,” L said, trying to make it sound like a demand, but was terrified when it came out as more of a plea. 

Light ignored L’s protest as he opened the crib. It had a latch that L could not reach from the inside and opened like a double door. Light opened the half that was closest to his head. 

"But first, let's tighten these," Light said, reaching behind L. L grabbed Light's wrist and tried to shove Light's hand back. He did not want to push his luck as Light said he would go easy on him, but he could not just sit back and let Light do whatever he wanted. 

"No, no, Baby," Light scolded gently. He used his other hand to tug L's hand off his wrist and captured both of his wrists in one hand. He pinned them to the mattress. L tried to free his arms, but it was no use. Light was stronger than he was and tightened his grip. 

"Shh," Light said, rubbing the inside of his wrists as he tightened the arm restraints. "Be a good boy for me."

"I'm not going to be anything for you," L said, pressing his lips together when Light picked up the pacifier gag. 

Light ignored L's words and said, "open up, Baby."

L shook his head. Light sighed. He knew L would be stubborn. Light pinched L's nose like a parent would do when a child did not want to take medicine. L twisted away from Light, but Light went with him so as to not hurt him because of all of his jerking. 

"C'mon L, breathe," Light instructed after L held his breath for nearly a minute. L whimpered, the need to breathe overpowering him, and he gasped. Light wasted no time shoving the pacifier in L's mouth. While L was more focused on breathing, he lifted L's head and buckled the gag around his head. 

L struggled against the binding, shaking his head. He was tempted to bite the silicone off, but he would rather not choke. He breathed harshly through his nose, trying to fill his lungs with as much oxygen as possible with something in his mouth. 

"Calm down, Baby," Light practically cooed, running a hand through L's hair in a way that he knew L liked, "just breathe."

When L stilled, Light rubbed up and down L's side. L had to fight not to pull away as he knew Light would just follow him. 

"Now, that was silly," Light smiled, "you don't need to do stuff like that." 

L glared, muttering something past the pacifier, but Light did not understand the gurgled mess of words. 

"I think I'll leave the cranky baby alone for a while," Light ruffled L's hair, causing L to jerk back. He would train all those little defiances out of L eventually. 

…

L's blood was boiling. He could not remember the last time he was this angry. How dare Kira treat him this way- like an infant. How dare Kira try and degrade and humiliate him. Honestly, there were more emotions that he was covering up with the anger. He was scared, terrified of what Kira would do to him. He was humiliated by how he was being treated and being tied down to the bed with a pacifier secured into his mouth and a diaper taped around his hips. 

Speaking of the diaper, L was just becoming aware of his bladder. He would need to pee soon. That knowledge made him want to panic. With how Light was treating him, he knew that he would not allow him to use the toilet, and L would not allow himself to use the diaper. That would be crossing a line that he was not willing to cross easily.

So, he held it, chewing on the pacifier in his mouth much as he would on his thumbnails. He refused to suck just like he refused to pee. It did not matter that hours (that felt like days) passed and the pain in his lower belly intensified. It did not matter when he could not keep still. He just pressed his thighs together as much as he could, ignoring the crinkle that sounded from the movement. It did not matter when he could not control the pathetic, muffled whimpers and whines that escaped past the pacifier. None of that mattered. He could not give in. He could not do what Kira wanted. He would not surrender a piece of his adulthood. He could not, no matter how much it hurt. 

He would not give in. 

…

Light, of course, watched as L grew increasingly desperate. 

“C’mon, L,” Light said to the video monitor as he watched L squirm in the crib. He did not want to force L to go in his diaper. He wanted L to do it himself, especially while he was conscious. But, he supposed that was wishful thinking. Of course, L would be stubborn and need prompting to let go his first time. It would be easier for him to go once he got the drugs the doctors made for him. The drugs would make him tired, more compliant, and more suggestive. He would not want to use the drugs forever, just like the spanking, those were only methods to break L. Once L accepted his place, he would not have to use those methods, but there were so many lessons that L would need to learn first. Lesson number one for L- babies use their diapers. 

Light was just about to go to sleep but knew that he could not leave L to suffer all night long. He wanted L to associate him with love and comfort, not hurting. He had to make sure that L used his diaper, got a bottle with milk and medicine, and changed. 

So, he walked into the nursery again. L glared at him again, but he looked like an angry puppy though an angry baby might be a better adjective. 

“Awe, does poor baby need to go potty,” Light cooed, coming closer to the crib. 

“Fuck off,” L spat past the pacifier. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Light said, opening the crib like he did the last time, “poor baby. Must be desperate. All you gotta do it let go.”

“No,” L groaned, his stomach concaving as Light pressed firmly onto his bloated bladder. He pressed his thighs together as the urge to pee nearly overwhelmed him. He could not let go. 

“C’mon, Baby,” Light said, brushing L’s hair back, noting the sweat covering his brow, “just go potty like a good baby.” 

L was past the ability to talk, the pain of holding his bladder was too much with Light rubbing it like that. In the back of his mind, he knew that he was fighting a losing battle. He knew that he could not fight it for too much longer and that it would be better if he just let go at least then he would not be in pain and they could get on with whatever Light had planned. But the humiliation that would cause, the surrendering of his dignity, he could not do it. 

But he also could not hold it forever. The body had needs, and getting rid of waste was one of them, and eventually the body would overpower the brain and do what it needed to do. 

That is what happened. Eventually, L could not hold on anymore, and a tiny stream of urine left his body. L whined, tensing. He could not. He could not. 

But he did. 

Now that his body had a small amount of relief, it was not going to stop, and he could not stop as a large stream escaped him. He could not stop it. Whenever he tried, a sharp pain ran through his lower stomach. 

“Good boy,” Light praised, patting L’s tummy and watching as his diaper darkened and expanded- signs of his loss of control. Once he was done, L’s body saged on the mattress, clearly exhausted by the fight. “Such a good baby, going potty in your diaper like a good baby.” 

The redness on L’s cheeks darkened at the words. He wanted to scream, but instead he bit the pacifier and turned his head away from Light. 

“Don’t worry, Papa’s gonna change you,” Light said as he stood, “but first you need to take your medicine.” 

There was so much wrong with that one sentence that L did not know where to begin. Did Light want L to call him Papa? Light had to know that would never happen. Light was not L’s father. Hell, L was five years older than Light. The man was fucking delusional. He was also dangerous, no matter how delusional. Plus, what did he mean by medicine? L could only assume that it meant some sort of sedative drug. Of course Light would want to drug him. It would make him sleepy, more submissive. Light wanted him to be a good baby and would do anything to make that happen. 

L could not let that happen. Being drugged would be worse than being restrained or wetting the diaper. It would make him completely dependent and vulnerable to whatever Light wanted to do to him. Just that thought had his stomach twist harshly. He could not do it. He could not. 

But Light would make him, he knew that. 

Light reappeared a few seconds later with a baby bottle with an elongated nipple. Light opened the crib again and sat on the edge. 

“If any bad words come out of your mouth when I take out the pacifier, I will bend you over my knee and spank your butt red, understood,” Light threatened. 

L had no reaction to the threat, staring at the bottle in Light’s hand. 

Light unbuckled the pacifier and slid in out of L’s mouth. Light smiled when L did not attempt to speak, “good boy. Now, it’s time to take your medicine.” 

Thankfully, L did not fight it when Light put the nipple of the bottle in his mouth. Unfortunately, he did not start suckling. 

“C’mon, L, be a good boy and take your medicine,” Light said, squeezing the bottle. L refused to swallow the milky liquid, coking on it instead, some of the liquid dribbling down his chin. 

“No, no, Baby,” Light said, running a hand through L’s hair, “you gotta swallow.”

L shook his head. He could not do it. Could not let him mind succumb to a drug. 

“I know, it’s scary,” Light cooed, “but your medicine will help you. C’mon, take your medicine.” 

L shivered. Did he really have a choice, he thought. Just like with the diaper, he fought and fought, but ended up with a soaked, uncomfortable feeling around his hips and crotch anyway. Maybe if he went along with it for a little bit, he could gain Light’s trust and he would let up on the drug. Then, he could think of a way to escape. That was normally his plan, but right now, the things that Light wanted him to do, it was too much. He went along with some pretty humiliating and horrible things before when he was kidnapped, but back then, he had Watari and Wammy’s House. Now, everyone thought that he was dead. He remembered, Light staring down at him as the pain in his chest became unbearable and he passed out, thinking that he was dead. People must think that Kira killed him. He had no one. No one could save him now. Light was just as smart as him, and he had the upper hand. He could do whatever he wanted to do and there was little that L could do. 

He never felt so helpless. 

‘Stop that!’ L shouted in the back of his mind, ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself! You are the world’s greatest detective! If anyone could get out of this situation, it is you! Stuck it up for now. Even in a drugged up state, you can think of something.’

“Good boy,” Light practically cheered when L swallowed the milk, “such a good, good boy, taking your medicine like a good boy for Papa.”

L growled lowly at the praise. Even though his stomach twisted and turned, he continued to suckle. It was not long before the hazzy and fuzziness of the drug overtook his body. He was suddenly so tired. 

So fucking tired. 

“Good baby,” Light cooed, pleased that L was not fighting right now, and knew that he could not anymore, at least for the night. He fully expected fighting and struggling in the morning, but he would give him more medicine if it became too bad. 

L went limp against the mattress, too sleepy to move, let alone fight when Light eased the pacifier into his mouth. He felt Light move his head so that he could see Light, his vision was blurry and he could see Light’s lips moving but the words were too gumbled by his mind. 

That was scary. 

L pushed that thought back and focused on Light’s words. 

“Pay ‘ttention... Boy… hear me?” 

L nodded. He could hear Light. Unfortunately. 

“Good boy. Listen to Papa. I don’t want you getting scared,” Light said, rubbing L’s tummy. He knew that L could get scared by sudden change and movement, and that being drugged would only intensify that fear. 

“Papa’s going to unstrap you then carry you to the changing table. Then I’m going to change your diaper and put you in a sleeper and swaddler. The drug might make you cold, and you tell Papa if it does. Then, it’s ni-ni time. Understood?” 

L was sure that he picked up about half of what Light told him. Something about a changing table and a sleeper and the drug making him cold. He could not focus too well. That was scary, but he was so tired. Too tired to focus. Maybe he could focus in the morning. 

Yeah, in the morning he could think of something. He just needed to sleep. 

“Good,” Light said in a high pitched voice, hoping that L would react better to that. He slowly undid the binds, there was a thought that L could be faking. But it did not seem like L was faking the drugs' effects on him as he allowed Light to maneuver his arms to his side slowly.

L whimpered as he was lifted up, not understanding how he was suddenly floating in the air. He did not like it. 

“Shh, Baby,” Light cooed, placing the baby on his hip and bouncing him. He held L’s head to his chest, “it’s okay. Papa’s got you.

L knew that he should not relax into the hold. Light was holding him, he realized, but he could not help it. Light was warm and he was starting to feel cold. And tired. He was so tied. 

Light walked over to the changing table and placed the baby down. L whimpered at the loss of the warmth. Why was he so cold? 

“Hush, hush,” Light said as he attached L’s limbs to the restraints on the changing table. L would need to get used to this until he could trust him not to fight. “I know, you’re cold now, aren’t you,” Light asked, noticing the gooseflesh that was breaking out on L’s skin, “it’s okay, Baby. Papa’ll fix it. Just let Papa change you first, then I’ll get you nice and warm.” 

L still did not understand much of what Light was saying, but he recognized the word warm. Yes, he wanted to be warm. He wanted to sleep. Why couldn’t he be warm or sleep? 

Light then got a diaper like the soaked one around L’s hips and baby wipes and powder. He untapped and peeled L’s diaper off his hips. He then wiped the baby’s diaper area down. L whimpered and tried to squirm away from the cold. He did not want to be cold anymore. 

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light cooed, “I know it’s cold, but we got to get you all nice and clean. We don’t want any diaper rashes. No, we don’t.” 

Light then lifted L’s hips, knowing that he could not do it himself, and slipped the fresh diaper under L’s bum. Light kept up the constant praise as he tapped the fresh diaper around L’s hips. He then retrieved a thin slipper and swaddler. He knew that L would not like the swaddler, but it was better than a straight jacket (thought that is partly what it was) or restraining him to the crib. Putting a baby in a swaddler is exactly what a parent would do before putting a baby to sleep.

“I’m going to need you to sit up, okay Baby,” Light said, undoing the restraints around his wrists. He helped L sit up, but he could not do it on his own. Light smiled, just like a real baby. He could not wait until L was like this without drugs. He slipped the baby’s arms through the sleeves and laid him back down, not bothering to tie L down again. L could not fight him right now. He then undid the restraints around his ankles, and eased his legs into the holes. He did not get one with slippers, knowing L’s aversion to anything being on his feet. 

“Such a good baby right now,” Light praised, as he zipped up the sleeper, “letting Papa help you get dressed.”

He then grabbed the swaddler. The top half was like a straight jacket with a zipper on the back. He eased L’s arms into the elongated sleeves and hooked and strapped them around the back, his arms laying restrained to his chest and upper belly so that he could not get out. The sides had wings (with holes at the bottom to tread the sleeves trough. Light wrapped the wings snugly around the baby’s body. The top and bottom was separated by a snug waist band. The bottom was like a sack with a zipper running from front to back vertically and down the middle, so that Light could check his diaper when needed. The sack was not too snug to hurt his hips, but not loose enough for him to kick freely. Light had another swaddler- one without sleeves and a looser bottom for when L was more pliant. He hoped that he swaddler became a comfort item for L, just like the pacifier would. L was already suckling on the pacifier, though Light knew that was just because of the drug, but knew that L would suckle without needing to be drugged. L had a massive oral fixation and without his fingers or suckers to satiate it, he would soon turn to the only thing that he had, and that would be the pacifier. 

“C’mon, Baby,” Light said, lifting the baby into his arms again. L did not like the feeling of being lifted. He did not like the feeling of not being able to move. He could not move because of what Light put him in. He did not like it. He whimpered and whined passed the pacifier that he now realized he was suckling on. L should not do that. He was not a baby. He should be angry that Light was treating him like this and put him in something that he could not move in. But, he was so sleepy. Too sleepy to be mad. Tomorrow he could be mad. Tomorrow after sleep. At least he was warm now. 

“Shh, Baby,” Light whispered into the baby’s ear when he whimpered, “I know, you don’t like it, but you will one day. It’s okay. Just let Papa take care of you.” 

Light walked to go sit on a large rocking chair in the corner of the nursery. He sat with L in his lap and turned L to his body in the most comfortable position he could so that they could cuddle. He would get L used to cuddling and make sure he liked it and craved it. He knew that L was touch starved, so that should not be so hard. Plus L liked to cuddle after his nightmares during the Kira case, so he knew his touch brought him comfort, and that knowledge was further confirmed when L buried his face in Light’s shoulder the best he could. Light helped L by holding the back of his head. He always found it adorable when L did that. 

“Good sleepy boy, snuggling with Papa,” Light praised as he started to rock slowly. L made a noise of inquiry at the feeling. “It’s okay. It’s night night time. Go to sleep now.” 

L barely understood the order, but knew what Light said. It was time to go to sleep. That sounded good. Sleep was good. L closed his eyes and unconsciously suckled the pacifier again. Before he knew it, he was asleep. 

“There you go, Baby,” Light said as L’s breathing evened out, “gonna stay nice and snug all night.” 

After a few minutes, Light stood to carry the baby to the still open crib. It was nearing midnight, and even God needed sleep, especially with how difficult the next few weeks would be.

“Sweet breams, Baby,” Light said, as he put the baby in the crib and latched the door closed, “even if they are not, Papa’ll be here for you. I promise.” 

Light turned reluctantly to leave the room. He could watch the baby sleep all night, but he needed to sleep. So, he turned on the baby monitor and headed off to his room. 

Light would know the second L woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will describe the next three-ish months as L slowly starts to fall victim to Light's behavior training methods


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first three months of L's training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter.

L, of course, understood the psychology of what Light is doing. Light wants him to lose control and embarrass and humiliate him into submission. Light wants to take control of his life and become someone to rely on. He knew that. It is easy, lazy, and pathetic. He could not (would not) give in. This monster will not take his independence away. He will find a way to get out and escape, even if it meant death. 

That was the only thing that he could think of when he woke up from the drug. His head was still pounding, making him feel sick, not to the point where he thought he would throw up (thank God), but he still felt nauseous. That was for multiple reasons why- the drug, lack of food, anxiety- but it subsided soon. 

Thankfully, most of the drug was out of his system. So he could comprehend everything that was going on. The room was still dimly lit, but there was a bit of sun peering in through the curtains. It was day time. 

L then focused on himself. He was not restrained to the crib like yesterday, but he was restrained in a different way. He could not move his arms much, if at all. He was in a straight jacket, but not. The straight jacket part was attached to a sack that encased his legs. He decided to test the legs then. He kicked as hard as he could, the fabric did not budge, and he could not kick well. Of course, Light would want to subdue as much as possible, not only with chemicals because those would wear off, but physically as well. 

L tried to move his arms as much as possible, which was not much as it was too tight. He had seen people get out of straight jackets before as a magic trick and knew how to. But that is all it was- a magic trick- there was deception. In the tricks, the straight jacket was too big, or the magician did things that L had not been able to do beforehand or both (more than likely both). Plus, there was the part that went over his arms, immobilizing his arms further, and it would make any of the tricks that he knew moot. That would not matter. He would try anyway. 

He still tried to tug his arms free, even though he knew that he could not get free. If he just laid there, doing nothing, it was like he was letting Kira win. The more he struggled without success, the more frustrated and angry that he got. The more frustrated and angry that he got, the more that he struggled until he could not think of anything but escape. And that was the worst part. He was not just frustrated and angry. Frustration and anger did not seize his heart like an icy hand, and it did not make his blood stop or prevent his brain from working. 

L was scared. 

…

Light woke up at eight in the morning and heard how distressed L was becoming through the baby monitor. He ignored that for now. L would need to get used to this, hopefully, without the drugs. So, Light went through his morning routine, ate breakfast, wrote in the Death Note a bit, and went to his office to watch L. 

By noon, L was so frantic that Light was fearful that he would hurt himself. Light knew that L could not escape, and even if he managed to, Light was watching him and would punish him before putting him back in the swaddler. Escape was not what he was concerned about. With one wrong jerk of his arm, with how immobilized they were, he would end up hurting his arm or shoulder. If he rolled too hard, he would end on hitting his head on the bars of the crib. Light needed to calm him down and knew that he needed to drug him as there was no way that L would calm just from Light being there. One day he would, but not now. 

So, Light got a syringe with the drug in it. The amount of drug in the syringe would be enough to get him to sleep eventually, just like the one the previous night. With how worked up he was, it might take longer to work. 

“You need to calm down, Baby,” Light said as he entered the room. L looked at him with angry and frantic eyes. He said some naughty things past the pacifier, but Light decided to ignore that for now. Now was not a time for punishment, now was time to calm L. He would punish him for those things later after he had learned this lesson. One step at a time, Light told himself. 

“No, no,” Light said, tapping the pacifier, “no don’t use those naughty words.” 

“Fuck off,” L said just because Light told him not to use ‘naughty words.’

“Baby’s so worked up today,” Light said, producing the needle, hating it when L’s eyes widened in fear, “I think it’s time for the baby to calm down. Don’t be scared, Sweetheart. I know you don’t like it. I don’t either,” Light said, turning L’s head away so that he had access to his neck. L whined, struggling against Light’s hand. “You can’t get this worked up, though. You need to be calm.” Light pressed the needle into his neck and pushed the plunger. Light kept L as still as possible as the drug started to work in his body. He ran his hand through L’s hair and rubbed his arms. 

L whimpered as he felt the drug make him sleepy and made his brain fuzzy. He heard Light call him a good boy for now being calm as he sagged against the mattress, unable to fight anymore now that he was too tired. 

L understood what Light was doing, and it was easy, lazy, and pathetic. But he also knew that the human mind and body would do anything to protect itself, including giving in to the wants of a monster. 

…

The next couple of days, whenever L woke up lucid enough, he struggled against his bindings until Light came in and drugged him. When he was too drugged to move but not enough to go to sleep, Light would force him to use the diaper and change him while he was mostly subdued. Light would then get him to drink a bottle of water or more of the milky drug or both. Then he would pass out. 

L did not know it, but it was the third day when he thought that he needed to stop this cycle. He needed to stick to his original plan and stop giving in to the fear that made it impossible to follow the plan. 

So, he laid still, just barely moving his legs, ignoring the pain and stiffness that was staring the settle in his muscles because of the enforced position. 

'Just be good for now,' L thought to himself, 'gain his trust.'

…

To say Light was surprised that L was calm on that third morning was an understatement. He was surprised and so, so happy at the progress. Of course, he knew that L was quiet because he did not want to be drugged. With how controlling L was over everything, being drugged must be terrified. He would take this little show of obedience for what it was- a show. Over the next few weeks and months, his obedience would not be a show anymore, but Light would need to be patient for that. 

For now, he would go through their morning routine as normal, including getting him to use his diaper (which would be better because he was awake) and his morning bottle. If he was good, he might let L out of the swaddle for a little bit. He knew that L had to be in pain because he could not move. He would need to bathe him anyway today, drugged or not, because he was starting to get dirty. 

"Hi, baby boy," Light greeted with a broad smile, making it evident that he was pleased with L's behavior. "Being such a sweet baby this morning, mm. So good. Such a good baby."

L had to control the urge not to roll his eyes. Light would use praise to break him too. It would not work. It could not work. 

"Now, does the baby need to go potty?" Light asked, opening the crib so he could sit on the edge. He then rubbed L's lower tummy firmly as he did every morning. L's small grunt of pain was answer enough though he shook his head. Light sighed, "don't lie to me, Baby. You haven't gone since yesterday afternoon, and you've had three bottles of water since then," L was horrified that he did not remember any of what Light was saying, but it made sense because he was not thirsty and really needed to pee. 

"If you keep refusing to go potty like a good baby," Light continued, "you're gonna end up getting sick. It’s okay, Baby Boy, go potty. Go potty in your diaper.” 

“No,” L groaned, pressing his thighs together. Resist, L thought, resist. 

“Yes, Baby,” Light said, pressing down harder on his belly, knowing the moment that L lost control by the tiny whine, red cheeks, and when he relaxed. “Good, Baby, such a good baby. Now we just need to get you to go potty without Papa’s help.” 

L would never do that.

“Now, are you going to be a good boy and let Papa change you?” Light asked, debating whether or not to carry him to the changing table or change him in the crib. Ultimately, L would need to get used to how everything worked, that included these little routines. It would be easier to start as soon as possible, then risk later misbehavior when he changed things. Plus, L was nodding. 

“Okay, Baby,” Light said as he stood and picked L up in a bridal hold. 

L groaned at the change of position aggravated his stiff muscles. He rested his head against Light’s chest so that it was not hanging.

“Good baby,” Light said, causing L to groan. 

Light laid L down on the changing table, keeping a hand on L as he got a fresh diaper, baby wipes, and baby powder. L squirmed as Light put everything on the table. 

“Stay still, Baby Boy,” Light said, running a hand through L’s hair, “just be good and let Papa change you.” 

L wanted to keep moving just because Light told him to hold still, but he needed to gain Light’s trust, so he stilled. Light unzipped the sack and attached his ankles to the restraints on the changing table. L did not fight him, though he did test the bonds by pulling. Light expected nothing different. 

“Good baby,” Light said, “being such a good boy for Papa today. So proud of you.” 

L turned his head away from Light as he started to untape the diaper. His face was burning in humiliation. 

“There’s no need to be embarrassed, Baby,” Light said, wiping L down, “babies need to be changed.” 

‘I’m not a baby, you asshole,’ L thought, wanting to say it out loud but not wanting to risk any consequences. He remembered Light’s threats of spanking, and while he was not scared of the pain, the humiliation that would cause would be too much. 

“Good boy,” Light said with a smile, unbelievably happy that L was being cooperative, picking him back up once he was done changing him. “Now it’s time for your morning bottle and some water.” 

L jolted at the words. He was trying to be a “good baby” so that he did not get drugged. He did not want to get drugged up. He needed some time to think. He could not think with the drug. 

“Hush, Baby,” Light cooed, “I know you don’t like your medicine, but you need it. You need it to remind you how to be a good baby.”

L shook his head, “no.” 

“You don’t get to say no, Baby,” Light said, picking up the bottle, “it’s for your own good.” 

Light sat down on the rocking chair with L in his lap. He turned his head away from the other man. 

“C’mon, Baby,” Light said, holding him tighter. He knew that L would start struggling soon. Today is when the punishments needed to start. He could not expect to drug L and have him learn anything. “If you don’t calm down, you’ll earn a punishment.” 

L gulped, barely able to stay still. Could he do it? Could he allow Kira to drug him again when he was in the right state of mind? He needed to. He needed to gain Kira’s trust to escape. He needed to be good, for now. But the thought of being drugged, and not knowing what Light was doing with him was so damn terrifying. 

And fear makes you do stupid things. 

Once L stilled again, Light said, “If any bad words come out of your mouth when I take out the pacifier, I will bend you over my knee and spank your butt red, understood,” just like he did every day when he took the pacifier out. He knew today it might not be a threat. 

L did not say anything at first, but when Light tried to bring the nipple of the bottle to his mouth, he turned his head away and said, "no."

"L, you need to listen, now,” Light said in a firm tone, “c’mon, be a good baby. Take your medicine.” 

Something snapped in L at the words. He kicked his legs as much as he could and said, “I’m not a baby, you crazy bastard…” 

L's words were cut off when he was suddenly flipped over so that he was face down in Light’s lap. He grunted as his arms were squished between his ribs and Lights thighs. It made breathing a bit difficult, but that did not stop L from trying to fight. He kicked his legs as they were freed from their confinement. “Stop! Let me go!” 

“You don’t tell me what to do,” Light said firmly, hitting the tops of his thighs a few times to punctuate the message, “and you don’t yell at me.” 

L refused to make any noises that would suggest his discomfort, “let me go! You can’t do this to me!” 

“That’s enough, L,” Light said, forcing the pacifier into his mouth, “you have a lot of lessons to learn, little boy. I can do whatever I want to you, and that includes punishing you. You have been a bad boy.” 

“No!” L attempted to scream, but the pacifier blocked it. 

Light ignored the squirming boy and pulled down his diaper, “we’ll start with ten, then go from there. If you are still fighting, you’ll earn more.” 

Light was going to try and beat defiance out of him. L knew that it would work eventually, but he would not give in to it easily. 

Ten hits came and went. It did not hurt too much (his shoulders hurt worse) and just served to make L more angry. 

Light sighed when L was still squirming and kicking and cursing. Light rubbed his back to give him a break. “This would be easier on both of us if you stopped misbehaving.”

Light started hitting again. Ten spanks each before giving L a short break, then starting again. 

“You were such a good boy earlier. All you have to do is stop fighting Papa,” Light said after three sets of spankings- thirty in all. Light could tell by L’s breathing that he was about to start crying. He did not want to make L cry, but he needed to know what was right and wrong. 

L lost count, but eventually, he let out a sob, and he could not hold back the cries even though he wanted to stop. He could not cry in front of Kira, but it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. It was not just the physical pain. It was the emotional pain as well. The humiliation burned his face just as much as Light’s hand made his ass burn. The humiliation made his stomach twist. He could not take it anymore.

“Stop,” L cried, unable to hold back his cries. He just wanted the pain to stop. 

“Not until you stop fighting Papa,” Light said. Now, L’s ass looked bright red and painful. Five more, Light thought to himself, L should stop fighting soon. Light, thankfully, was right. Five more spanks and L sagged against him, and let out harsh cries. 

Light righted his diaper and swaddler before gathering him into his arms and holding him tightly. “Shh, everything’s done, Baby,” Light assured, rocking slowly back and forth, “you just gotta be a good baby.” 

L wanted to fight and say that he was not a baby, but he was too scared that Light would start hitting him again that he just went along with him and let Light do whatever he wanted. He would be good for now. 

“Breathe, Baby Boy,” Light said, as L gasped through his tears, “calm down, calm down. Use your pacifier. Your pacifier will help you calm down,” Light tapped the pacifier button just to see if L would suckle. He was amazed that he did, but it could be just because he was so upset. “Good boy!” Light cooed, kissing the baby’s forehead. Light kept up the stream of praise and comforting words until L finally calmed down and stopped crying. 

Light wiped away L’s tears, “I’m sorry that I had to hurt you, Baby,” he said, “but you can’t do that. You can’t fight Papa and use naughty words like that.” 

Light snuggled with L for a few more minutes until he was sure that L was fully calm and was not going to fight him before he said, “now, we are going to try the bottle again, and you are going to take your medicine like a good boy this time. I don’t care how much your bottom hurts. I will spank you again if you start to fight again, understood.” 

L nodded. He had to be “good” for now, just until he could find a way to escape. 

“Good boy,” Light smiled. A smile that used to bring comfort but now sent a shiver down his spine, “Now the baby has had a very busy morning and needs a nap, what do you think?” 

L did not respond to Light’s words. He did not want to drug, but he needed to be good. Make Kira believe that he is learning and acting in the way that Kira wanted him to. Just be good, L told himself, be good and gain his trust. He said nothing as Light took the pacifier out of his mouth. He whimpered as Light brought the bottle to his mouth but did not fight. 

“It’s okay, Baby,” Light said, patting the baby’s back, “just take your medicine like a good baby.” 

L squeezed his eyes closed and began to suckle no matter how much his brain told him to fight back. His bottom hurt too much, so he closed his eyes and swallowed what little pride he had left, and drank from the baby bottle. 

“Good boy,” Light said, “See, it’s not that hard, is it?” 

L wanted to argue, but the fuzziness in his brain started to take over, and he was too tired to argue. 

Be good. Be good for now, gain his trust. Escape. 

Tired. 

…

Days passed in a drugged haze for L, but he was able to make out some sort of schedule that Light had for him. Forced urination, change, morning bottle, inevitable nap, wake up sometime in the afternoon, forced urination, change, afternoon bottle, nap, another bottle, then sleep for the night. L hates it, but he becomes increasingly dependent on the routine and, by extension, on Light. Light was the only person that he saw. Light made sure that he was changed, fed, cleaned (he knew that Light had been bathing him because he woke up with wet hair on more than one occasion). Light punished him if he “misbehaved'' through spanking, that was getting shorter and shorter each time they happened because L would cry. He hated that. He hated that Kira could make him cry so easily. He also hated when Kira would cuddle him after. The cuddles were comforting and helped him calm down. He was utterly dependent on Light for everything, including comfort after Light caused him pain. He hated it. 

It was sometime in the afternoon. He was still in a haze and whined. He was never this out of it after a nap. He did not like it. 

“Hey, Baby,” Light greeted with a smile, rubbing his tummy through the swaddler, “still sleepy, mm?” 

L grumbled something that sounded like “yes.” 

“It’s okay, Baby,” Light said, “go back to sleep. You didn’t take your full nap. That’s why you’re still sleepy.” 

Oh, that made sense. L closed his eyes easily. 

“Good boy,” L could hear the smile in Light’s voice and felt him run a hand through his hair. L did not want to think about how good that feels. He always had a weakness for people playing with his hair. 

L shifts slightly in his bonds, groaning a little as pain exploded in his shoulders and back. He could feel that his body was growing weaker after… days… weeks of not being used. It hurts, not as much as his bum did after a spanking, but it still does. 

He just needs to be allowed to move, L thinks, he would not try and escape, not right away. He would be good if he is allowed to stretch his arms. Move. 

“Good baby,” Light cooed to a quickly fading L.

Yes, he would be a good baby if he was allowed to move. 

…

The drug made L more emotional. Light thought as he walked into L’s nursery one afternoon to see L crying. Light had no idea why he would be crying. He had been good that morning and (thankfully) did not earn a spanking. He was learning, slowly. 

“Hey, Baby Boy,” Light cooed, wiping the baby’s tears away, “what’s with the tears?” 

L did not say anything but looked up at Light with pleading eyes. He needed to move. 

Light checked L’s diaper, and it was, expectedly, dry. 

"Does baby need to go potty?" Light asked, rubbing more firmly on his tummy. He wished that L would let go by himself. It would happen eventually, Light told himself. One day L would go in his diapers like a good baby. He just had to wait. 

L whimpered, more tears streaming down his face. He hated that he was crying. He hated that he was weak. He could not help it. Everything hurt too much. He was so sleepy. So sleepy. Too sleepy to handle being this uncomfortable. 

"I know, Baby," Light cooed, still concerned by the tears, "just go potty, and you'll feel better."

L knew that what Light was saying was true, but he could not let go. He couldn't. He couldn't. 

But he was so sleepy. It was easy to let go because he did not have the energy to fight. 

L's tears did not stop now that he went potty. If anything, they streamed down his face faster. 

"It's okay, Baby," Light said, reaching down to pick him up, thinking that the tears were just a part of the training. Of L letting go a bit of control.

L whined when Light lifted him, the movement hurting his shoulders and back worse. 

"Shh, Baby," Light cooed as he put the baby on the changing table, "it's okay, Papa's gotcha." 

"Please," L said.

Light paused in his routine actions at the plea, "what are you asking for, Baby?" Light would see if he could give his baby what he was asking for. 

L hated that he was begging the enemy for something, but he needed to. He needed to move. 

L tugged at the bindings gently, not in an attempt to escape (he had been published four times already for some pretty pathetic attempts) but to try and show Light what he meant. 

Thankfully, Light did understand what he meant. Of course, he knew that restraining L for this long would cause discomfort, and he hated that L was in pain enough to cry. But, could he trust L enough to remove the swaddler? Light did not think so. Sure, they were having a good day (and amazing day), but this was one good day after multiple bad days. At the same time, Light knew that he needed to have some give and take with L. If he used enough of the drug in L's bottle to make him compliant but not make him fall asleep, he could take off the swaddler and allow L some time to stretch. If he was good, it could become a part of their day to avoid L being in pain. If he was not good, they could try again in a few weeks. 

"Okay, Baby, Papa will let you out of the swaddler if you promise to be a good baby," Light said with a raised eyebrow. 

"Yes," L groaned with a tiny nod. He would be good for now. 

"Okay, let Papa change you, then we'll get you a baba," Light said. He would need to make a different bottle, with less of the drug and some pain medicine. He would put L in his crib so he could do that. 

That is just what happened. L took the new bottle quickly, desperate to be allowed to move. Once the drug took effect, Light gently sat L on the ground. L groaned, drug making him too uncoordinated to sit up on his own. He leaned heavily against Light's chest, trying not to think about how warm Light's chest was. But his thoughts were hard to control right now. 

"Good baby," Light cooed, undoing the wings around L's body then unstrapping the sleeves. 

L hissed as his arms dropped uselessly to his side. While it was good that he was able to move, it still hurt. 

"I know it hurts, Baby Boy," Light said, pulling the zipper down so that he could ease L's arms out of the holes. 

"Lay down for me, Sweet Baby," Light said, gently lowering L's upper body onto the ground without so much of a groan of protest, "such a sweet baby. You are being such a sweet baby for me today. If you keep being such a good boy, we'll be able to do this more often. Maybe without your medicine."

"No?" L mumbled past the pacifier, suckling without thinking about it. 

"Yeah," Light said, "your medicine is to remind you to be a good boy. If you are a good boy without it, you won't need it anymore. 

Would not need medicine anymore? That sounded too good to be true. He would be good if that meant he would be able to have less medication. He would be good. But there was something else that he was supposed to do after being good. What was it?

Escape. He needed to escape because Light was bad and doing bad things to him. Light was Kira, and Kira killed people. That was bad. 

"Good, Baby," Light praised again, rubbing L's tummy that was covered with an onesie. 

Light helped L roll over to his tummy. The baby needed some tummy time. He helped L stretch his arms, and he rubbed his back. Praise was constantly leaving his mouth because L was acting so good. 

Yes, they would have to do this every day. 

"Such a sweet baby for Papa," Light said as he gathered L in his arms for a snuggle. It was so much better without the swaddler preventing movement. L turned his head toward Light's shoulder without thinking about it. Light was so warm. It was so nice. 

"Good baby," Light praised, "Papa's so proud of you. Papa loves you."

Love? L never knew what love was. This could not be love, though. It couldn't be. 

"I think it's time for a nap," Light said, distracting L from his thoughts, carrying him to the rocking chair. 

Nap… sleep. That sounded good. 

…

L was laying in his crib, staring up at the ceiling. Light had recently added glow in the dark stars to the ceiling and part of the wall. He was grateful for something to look at that was not a bare white title. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should not be thankful for anything that Light did. It was honestly the least that he could do. 

It was morning. L had no idea how long he had been here. It felt like months, but that could be. He did not think so. Maybe a few weeks (little did he know it had just been a week and a half.) 

He felt a pang in his bladder, and he groaned. His lower stomach was always sore from holding it. That is why it was so easy for Light to force him to go in the diaper. He felt his cheeks burning at the thought of how Light made him lose control.

Resist, L thought to himself. He had to resist. 

But, he had nowhere else to go, he thought to himself. He had not been allowed to go to the toilet, and there was no way that he would be allowed today. And if he did not go now, L reasoned, he would have to go in front of Light, which was worse. So much worse. 

So, L gulped and relaxed his legs and stomach. He lifted his hips slightly and forced himself to let go. L sighed in relief as he felt the pain in his abdomen subside. He hated the feeling of the diaper growing damp and bulky. But at least he did not have to go in front of Light. 

He tried not to think of the invisible barrier he just crossed.

…

Light was so damned happy when he walked into L's nursery and realized that L wet his diaper by himself. He praised him heavily, ignoring his eye roll. 

Although he was finally wetting his diaper on his own, Light was concerned by a few things. One, L had started to lose weight. Light supposed that he should not be surprised. L was still an adult. He could not survive off of just bottles of formula, but he had been so non-compliant when not drugged that Light was concerned L would not eat at all, and he did not trust L to be able to eat even soft foods when he was so out of it. Now that he could go a little bit without being drugged to compliance, perhaps he could eat a little bit, especially if Light made it sweet. It would help that L was so food motivated. 

The second thing that Light was worried about was that L had not had a bowel movement since Light brought him home. He supposed he should not be surprised by that either. L was stressed and not wanting to use his diaper. Plus, the liquid diet that Light had him on would make anyone constipated. Fortunately, he knew just how to remedy that. Some laxatives in his evening bottle would fix him. 

But first, he would give him some food. Mashed bananas before his morning bottle should be fine. He would need to look out for any signs of distress that would lead to misbehavior from the changing routine. 

Thankfully, L was obedient and ate his food with little protest, but that was just because he was so hungry. 

"Sweet baby," Light said when L was finished with breakfast, "you are becoming such a good baby."

…

Later that night, Light brought the baby monitor into his room. He could hear that L was already whimpering and whining from his fight to hold in his bowel movement. Light turned it down so that he would only hear L if he became distraught. He would leave L to it for tonight. He might be wetting like a good boy, but he needed to learn that he needed to mess like a good boy as well. 

It was three in the morning when Light woke up because he needed to use the restroom. He turned up the baby monitor to check on L. There was no way that he held it for that long. He heard very distressed but quiet cries. He decided to check on L after doing his business. 

The smell of the room was unmistakable. L had lost control. Light smiled.

"Oh, poor baby," Light said, with sympathy in his tone, "you've had a busy night, haven't you?"

L was pale with humiliation, and he wished that he could hide his face.

"It's okay, Sweet Baby," Light said, opening the crib so he could take L to the changing table, "Papa's been worried about your tummy for a few days now. You have to go potty when you feel like it. All you're going to do is hurt yourself if you don't."

L glared at the words face flushing. He hated this. He just wanted to go to the bathroom like a normal adult. What did he do to deserve this? 

“Nothing to be ashamed of,” Light said, “babies need to use their diapers. That’s what Papa is here for- to clean you up when you make these messes. Papa’s so proud that you are learning so fast.”

L wanted to lash out. He was not a baby! He should not use diapers and need to be cleaned up. The consequences for lashing out were clear in his mind, however. Be good. It was a constant stream in his mind. Be good to gain Light’s trust. Gain Light's trust to escape. It was starting to get hard to remember that last part.

Light quickly wiped the baby down and cleaned him up. It was gross, but Light sucked it up. Light did not trust anyone else to do this, and he was not going to leave L in a messy diaper all night just to make him develop a rash and not be able to sleep. 

“C’mere, Baby,” Light smiled once he had L in a clean, “it’s very, very late and it’s time for ni-ni.” 

Light walked over to the rocking chair and sat down with L in his lap. 

“You’ve been such a good boy here lately,” Light praised, looking down at L with a smile on his face. L had his eye closed. After his eventful night, he was dizzy with lack of sleep and his medicine. “Maybe after we wake up and have breakfast, you can come play in Papa’s office. How does that sound?” 

Light had a play pin in his office that he could put L in with or without his swaddler. It would be easier to keep an eye on him, but he was waiting until L was more pliant with the drug. 

L hummed at the question, not fully comprehending it.

Light wants him to go to sleep. He needed to go to sleep. He needed to be good. He needed to escape. He needed…

…

One month. L had been with him for one month. There had been amazing progress. L was wetting and messing his diapers without needing to be prompted. He was taking his bottles without needing threats of spankings. He was mostly good when he was not restrained (he still acted up sometimes). He was suckling on his pacifier most of the time. 

But there were still moments once or twice a day, where he fought against him. It almost always resulted in a spanking and being put back in his swaddler if he was out. The training was working. Slowly but surely it was working. Light was a patient man. He could wait until L was broken by what they were doing. It would work, Light knew that it would. But, there had to be a faster way to get it to work. 

That is when the thought of using the criminals to help. L was scared of strangers. The only reason that he was able to work with the Task Force was because he was in control of everything. Here, where he had no control, he would be terrified, especially since Light had been the only person to see him for a month. 

Light hated the thought of strangers scaring L and hurting him, but he would have complete control over the situation. He would write whatever he wanted the criminal to do in the Death Note and watch closely on the monitors in his office and on his phone. He would pretend to write the criminal’s name in the Death Note in front of L. He would swoop in like a hero and save L and comfort him. This would increase his dependence on Light and make L see him as someone who will always come and save him. 

If it ended up backfiring, Light would stop it. They had all their lives ahead of them for L to accept his place. If this did not work, they could start over again. L would be his good little baby one way or another. 

…

L had been staring up at the ceiling, tracing stars with his eyes. 

Where was Light? L could not help but wonder after a few minutes. Not that he wanted Light to be there, because he did not. He did not want his cuddles or praise or anything like that. He just wanted a change and out of his swaddler for a while. That is all he wanted. 

When he heard the door open, L perked up a little. Be good, he thought. 

But it was not Light, it was another, much bigger man. L made a noise of confusion. He had never seen anyone sense Light kidnapped him but Light. He had to admit, a wave of anxiety crashed into him. He had no idea what this man wanted. L had never seen him in his life, so he knew that, more than likely, he was not here to help L. Did Light send in someone else to take care of him. He did not see that happening, and hoped that was not the reason. 

“Who’re you?” L said the best he could pass his pacifier. He did not receive an answer. The man unlatched the crib and opened it. 

“No!” L said in a panic when the man reached for him. Unfortunately, he was restrained and could not do anything as the man dragged him out of the crib by the hair. L grunted in pain. Any leftover fuzziness from the drug dissipated as adrenaline flooded his body. He tried to struggle against the hand in his hair, attempting to pull away. The man hit him across the face. L went tumbling to the ground. He tried to kick, but his legs were useless. The man lifted him back up by his shoulders. 

Where was Light, L thought in a panic. He could not do anything for himself as much as he hated it. He needed Light. 

“Light!” L shouted, knowing of the baby monitor. He did not care if he got in trouble for calling Light by his name and not Papa. He wanted Light. Did he do something bad? Was this some sort of punishment? He could not remember doing anything bad that morning. He was good. 

Be good. Be good.

L looked into the man’s eyes, noticing that they were glazed over. Why were they glazed over? 

L did not get to think of that for too long as the man gasped and fell over, taking L with him, causing him to hit his shoulder harshly on the floor. 

L attempted to squirm away from the now dead man, breathing coming out harshly.

“Hey, hey, Baby,” L heard Light. He looked up to see Light rushing toward him. To his horror, he squirmed toward him. 

He was scared by what just happened and wondering how it did. Later, he would realize that it was Light and be angry but grateful. Grateful that Light did not let the man hurt him too much. He should not be grateful. 

“You’re okay, Sweet Baby,” Light gathered the baby in his arms, noticing that he was shaking whether it was from adrenaline or fear or both, he did not know, but he smiled as L leaned into him, “Papa’s got you.” 

Light’s here, L thought, Light’s here Light’s here. Be good. Be good. 

“Get him out of here!” Light said in a firm voice. L heard, but did not see as people entered his room. He pressed closer to Light. He could not help it. He was scared. Tears burned the back of his eyes. 

“He’s gone, Baby. He is not going to hurt you anymore,” Light said, starting to rock L slowly back and forth and running his hand through the baby’s hair, “Papa’s got you. You’re safe, Baby.” 

L choked on a sob. Now that the adrenaline dissipated, the fuzziness in his brain returned. He was sleepy again. Sleepy and scared and Light was there, rubbing his back and playing with his hair. Light said that he was safe. He was safe. Safe. 

“Shh, Baby,” Light cooed, as L started crying against his chest, “Papa’s gotcha.” 

Light smiled. He was not expecting this result, but was loving it. He continued to say soothing nothingness until L calmed down.

“Good baby. You’re such a good baby,” Light said, gently wiping L’s tears away, avoiding the red mark on his cheek. The slap had not been that bad and the red mark should disappear within a few hours. 

Good baby. Be a good baby. 

Escape, though he had a hard time remembering why right now. He would remember later. Later when he was not scared and not sleepy. Though he was almost always sleepy. 

“Let’s get you some food, Baby Boy,” Light said, “then we can have some play time before your nap.” 

L made a few noises of agreement. 

“Sweet Baby.” 

…

Little did L know, after a month of this type of treatment, he started crying as soon as anyone that was not Light entered his room. After two, he started shouting for Light, then Papa. He hated that he was shouting for Papa and crying. Light was not Papa. But when he shouted for Papa and cried, Light came faster than if he was quiet or shouting for Light. He did not want to be hurt. Sure, Light hurt him sometimes, but that was only when he was bad. Then, after, they would cuddle and everything would be forgiven. He knew how to be good for Light. He did not know how to make these people not hurt him. He did not want to get hurt. 

Please, no more hurt. He would do anything to not get hurt anymore. He would be good. 

He would be Light’s good boy. 

Escape, he needed to escape. It was getting harder and harder to remember that last part, but he knew he needed to. If he did not remember that last part, he would be letting Light (Kira) win. 

Little did he know, he had not tried an escape attempt in over a month and a half.

…

“How’s L’s training going?” Takada asked one day. She did not necessarily agree with her God on this, but Light was God. She had no right to voice her disagreement. 

Light smiled. Ever since he started using criminals, L was more pliant and clingy and better behaved. Sure, he still sometimes misbehaved, but that was few and far between, maybe once a week, and handled with only ten spankings at most and the threat of a spanking at least. He was thinking about transitioning discipline methods from spankings to time outs, and he was also thinking about using the restraints and drugs less. One at a time, Light thought to himself. He would start by giving L a little more freedom, then as he started behaving better with the freedoms he would start disciplining with timeouts.

He then heard L through the baby monitor. L had started cooing when he woke up to alert Light that he was awake. It was some of the cutest noises he ever heard. L would not coo too much under any other circumstances, though he was trying to encourage it. L did not speak too much anymore, knowing the consequences of speaking too much, so has started exchanging talking for cooing. It was amazing to see the regression.

“Why don’t you go get him for me, Asahi?” Light asked, bringing up L’s surveillance cameras on his monitor. L was laying on his back, blinking sleep out of his eyes. He was cooing a little louder as his first coos seemed to be unheard. 

“A-Are you sure, Kami,” Asahi asked, the large man seemingly startled by the false God’s words. 

“Yes,” Light said, a bite of frustration in his tone. He did not like to have to repeat himself, “take off his swaddle and tell him you are bringing him to Papa. He should not fight you too much. If he does, I assume you can handle it.” 

“Yes, Kami,” Asahi said. 

…

L was waiting for Light to come into his room. When the door opened to reveal a large man. L’s brain froze, the only thought in his brain was ‘no’ and ‘Light.’ Tears immediately started streaming down his face, but he did not care anymore. He did not want to get hurt. Light would stop him from getting hurt. Where was Light? 

“Papa!” L shouted pass his pacifier, knowing that it was the easiest way to get Light into the room. 

“Calm down, kid,” Asahi said, “I’ll bring you to your Papa.” 

This was the only time that one of the people talked to him when they entered his room. Sometimes they yelled, but they never talked to him. L did not know if he should believe this man, but he did not fight the man as he took off his swaddle and picked him up. He did not like it. He did not like that someone else was touching him, and that he did not know if the touch was going to turn painful. 

L did not want to be hurt. 

Light will not hurt him. Not unless he is bad. That’s why he had to be good. If he was good he would not get hurt and he would get Light’s cuddles and Light would say nice things to him and would take off his swaddle. He had to be good. 

He would be good. 

L continued to cry as the man carried him. He went left. That meant that they were going to Light’s office. Light would be in his office. That made relief flood through L, even though he did not stop crying, even when they reached Light’s office. 

“Hey, Baby Boy,” L heard Light say as soon as they entered his office. L looked around the room with watery eyes. He saw Light approaching him and the man. L also noticed a woman, but he did not care about her. He wanted Light. To get what he wanted, he squirmed in the other man’s arms and reached out for Light. 

Light beamed when he saw L reach for him. He had never done that before. Sure, he stopped protesting Light picking him up and cuddling him a long time ago, but this was different. L reaching for him meant that, in that moment, L wanted him, and that was the best feeling. 

“C’mere baby,” Light said, taking the baby out of Asahi’s arms. L immediately latched onto Light, wrapping his arms around Light’s shoulders and his legs around Light’s waist. He hid his face in Light’s shoulder and suckled on his pacifier. As much as he did not want to admit it, both the pacifier and Light brought him so much comfort. He could not remember well why he should not admit that. 

Light continued to whisper soothing nothing into L’s ear until he stopped crying. He did not move out of his hiding spot. There were other people in the room and L did not want to see. 

“Does that answer your question?” Light asked someone. 

“Yes,” the woman responded. L huddled closer to Light at the unfamiliar voice. 

“Now, if that is all, you may be excused,” Light said, looking down at L who was still hiding in his neck and now curled up in his lap. 

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light assured once again, kissing the top of his head, “I know that was quite the scare, wasn’t it?” 

L nodded in agreement. 

L chuckled, “It’s okay. That man won’t hurt you, okay, Baby.” 

L did not respond to that, if anything, he held onto Light tighter. Light smiled, he was always like this after seeing the criminals- all cute and clingy. He wished that L was like this all the time, but they were getting there. They were so close. 

“When you’re done hiding, Papa has a surprise for you,” Light said. 

“Surprise?” L asked, lifting his head slightly and cocking his head in question. 

“Yeah,” Light said, standing with L in his arms, walking to the play pin. He reached in and pulled out a stuffed animal. 

“Papa wanted to give you a friend,” Light explained.

“Friend?” L questioned. He did not need (or want) the stuffed animal, but he feared a punishment if he did not take it. So, he took it from Light's hand and looked at it. It was a monkey with white fur and pale face, hands, and feet and its eyes were blue. Its fur was soft and fuzzy. It was nice. 

L held the toy to his chest and leaned against Light. 

“Good baby,” Light said, kissing L’s forehead, “now lets get you changed and have some play time with your new friend.” 

They had a long way to go, Light knew that, but looking down at L how he was right now and thinking about the amount of progress they had made in only three months mabe him feel overjoyed. 

It felt like the roughest part was over ,and now it was just reinforcement and getting L off of the drugs and not needing to be restrained. 

It felt simple now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Light giving L a little more freedom, and someone unexpectedly hurts L and helps break him further.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After about eight months with Light, someone hurts L without Light knowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as I want to post, Archive decides to crash.

The only time that L did not have the pacifier in was in the bath. He used to use this opportunity to try and talk to Light and convince him to let him go. He would lash out, yell, and use naughty words. Now, after several months and many more punishments for the childish outbursts, he was plaint and calm during his baths. His eyes would droop, and his body would be so relaxed. It was such an excellent way to end the day, especially on days like today when Light did not have to give him too many drugs to make him behave. He was still very, very sleepy because of the activity he did that day. 

“You’ve been such a good baby today,” Light praised with a smile as he rinsed the baby’s hair, “see what happens when you’re Papa’s sweet baby?” 

L hummed at the question. If he was good, he did not get spankings, and Light was nice and played with him, and he was not put in his swaddler, and he got less of his medicine. If he was a good boy, he got more cuddles and got more food. He needed to be a good boy to get those things. 

“Okay, time to get out, Baby,” Light said, unplugging the tub, and he picked L up and placed him on the towel. “We’ll get you all nice and dry and get up dressed and all snug. Then, we’ll get you a baba and then ni-ni time for you.” 

“Night,” L nodded. 

Light smiled. Ever since Light brought L home, he had made sure that L got a proper amount of sleep. Unlike in his previous life, where he would work until he crushed either on a chair or literally passed out mid-sentence. The prominent dark circles under his eyes faded slowly until they were completely gone. It was one of the many signs that Light was doing the right thing by L. L was getting more healthy by the day. He was even nearing a healthy weight, no longer over twenty pounds underweight, but five pounds underweight. 

“Yes,” Light said, grabbing lotion from the side, “it’s ni-ni time, Baby Boy.” 

L hummed as Light’s warm, gentle hands started to rub in the lotion. He liked baths. Liked it when Light washed his hair. He loved it when Light would rub the lavender smelling lotion on his skin. 

This is what he got when he was good. He had to be good. Be good. Be good. He had to be… 

What the Hell was he doing?

He was laying there, letting Light (Kira) bathe him and rub lotion all over his body without fighting him. He was not even thinking about fighting him. What was wrong with him? He had to fight. He had to escape. He had to stop this. Escape. Escape. 

Light was unaware of his baby's thoughts as he grabbed the diaper from the side, "okay, lift up, Sweet Baby."

L grit his teeth but listened, lifting up his hips and allowing Light to slide the diaper under his bum. 

Escape. 

L knew that he could not escape and should not try right now. But, it seemed that his brain was not working at that moment. 

"Let's get you dressed, Baby," Light told him. He turned his back for just a few seconds to get L's pajamas. When he turned back around, L was attempting to get on his hands and knees and crawl. 

Light immediately grabbed L and pushed him on his stomach. 

"No!" L shouted, attempting to squirm away from Light, anger burning in his gut. 

"Naughty boy," Light said, knowing that L took the words 'bad boy and 'naughty boy' to heart. He then spanked L on the top of his thighs five times. 

L hissed at that pain. The anger dispersed and left, leaving him once again obedient and very upset that he just received a spanking. Tears sprung in his eyes. He whimpered as Light sat him up none too gently and held him by the shoulders, forcing L to look at Light's angry face. 

"You do not try to run away from Papa," Light said firmly, "and you do not tell me no."

L let out a tiny sob. He was a bad boy, and Light was angry with him. Why was he a bad boy? All he had to do was be good. 

"Sorry," L cried, wanting Light to hug him and cuddle him. He was sorry. He was so sorry. 

Light’s angry face melted into his normal face and gathered L in his arms, “Shh, Baby Boy. Shh, shh.”

“S-sorry,” L cried again. He did not know why he tried to run away. Did he want to leave? L was not sure. 

“I know,” Light kissed the side of L’s head, “I know you’re sorry. But, you can’t try to run away from Papa. You need to be a good baby.” 

Good baby, L thought. Be a good baby. Be a good baby. If he were a good baby, he got hugs and cuddles and no spanking. He needed to be good. Be a good baby. 

“Okay, Baby,” Light said, smiling as he saw that L was sucking on his thumb, “let’s get you dressed and a baba. It’s ni-ni time for you.” 

L nodded, allowing Light to lay him back down on the ground. Light hummed quietly as he put L’s pajamas on him. 

“Good baby,” Light said as he picked L back up and brought him to the rocking chair, picking up his bottle along the way. 

“Drink your baba,” Light ordered. L listened, wanting to be good after his earlier misbehavior. “Good baby,” Light cooed, rubbing L’s back and rubbing his cheek. 

L hummed as the familiar feeling of fuzziness in his brain and sleepiness overtook him. It was night-night time. 

By the time L finished his bottle, he was mostly asleep, and Light smiled down at the drowsy figure. 

“Let’s get your swaddle on,” Light whispered, walking over to the changing table. He first picked up a pacifier (without a gag) and placed it in L’s mouth. L took it without protest, suckling immediately. With, practiced, gentle movements, Light got the swaddler on the baby. 

“Night-night, Baby Boy,” Light smiled as he placed the baby in his crib. L muttered something before succumbing to sleep. 

…

After gathering the dirty clothes and towels from L’s bathroom, he started his own bedtime routine, all the while thinking about the incident. It was rare to see a glimpse of the old L like that. It had only happened twice before now, but it was starting to concern Light. He was thinking about taking back the limited freedoms that he had been allowing L. While it was easy to get L back into his pliant mood, if it started happening more, it could ruin all the progress that they had made. 

Then again, if he overreacted, it could have a negative affect. He was being good most of the time. He should be rewarded for being so good, not overly punished for little moments of misbehavior. All that would teach L is to be scared of a punishment, not to behave because he knew how to behave. 

He was still learning, Light told himself. If this became a real problem, he would deal with it then. The next day, it was time for Light to send a criminal into L’s room anyway. He would make L think that it was because of his moment of misbehavior. He had not been using the criminals as much as he did in the few months prior. L was progressing so well with it that he might not need the reminders for much longer. 

…

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light said, as he fed L his morning bottle with only a little bit of medicine in it. There were tear tracks on his cheeks as he always cried when the criminals had to hurt him, “You’re safe. Papa’s got you.” 

L grumbled something, causing some milk to dribble down his chin as he leaned further into Light. Be good. Be good. If he were good, the mean people would not come into his room and hurt him. If he were good, Light would be nice. 

“Aww, messy baby,” Light teased, wiping the milk off of L’s chin with a cloth.

L grumbled his protest but continued to suckle. 

Light smiled, taking the bottle out of L’s mouth when he was done. 

“Do you wanna go play,” Light asked. L never really ‘played’ per se. Not how one would expect a baby to play, though that should not be too much of a surprise. At most, he would look at something that Light handed him. Sometimes if it were a rattle or something else that made noise L would sake it so that it would make noise. Light smiled and praised him, trying to get him to play more. He would not punish L to get him to play but reward him for any attempt. Thankfully, he did seem to grow attached to his monkey, whining whenever it was taken away or placed out of his reach. 

L whined and shook his head, holding onto Light tighter. He just wanted snuggles, though there was a voice in the back of his mind that told him that he should not want any snuggles from Light. He could not understand why the voice was saying that. Light’s snuggles were the best. 

Light smiled, not surprised by the clinginess, “okay, Sweet Baby. We can snuggle for a little bit,” he said, running a hand through L’s soft hair. 

L smiled and snuggled closer, hiding his face into Light’s shoulder. It was the best hiding spot. 

“Good baby,” Light praised, happy that L wanted to snuggle with him when just a few months ago, he would have fought and struggled against Light.

Good baby, L thought, have to be a good baby. 

…

L was currently in his playpen in Light’s office. Light said that he had a lot of work to do (he was killing people), so L had to be a good boy and play in his playpen for a little bit. Then, Light would play with him for a little bit before his nap. 

Be good. Be good. 

So, he was on his back (without his swaddler because he was being a good boy) with a warm and fuzzy blanket over him that L liked. It was bright blue with sleepy sheeps on it. He had his friend tucked securely to his chest (he did not want anyone to take it). Light gave him a few more toys, but he did not play with them. He was not a baby. He should not play with toys like one. 

But after laying on his back for what felt like hours, rubbing his friend’s soft fur because it felt nice, he started to become lonely. It was a bad feeling, and L did not like that. He could coo or cry to try and get Light’s attention. It would solve his problem, and he would not be lonely anymore. 

L looked toward Light, who was at his desk, writing something with a frustrated expression on his face. The expression on Light’s face made L think better about his plan. Light said that he was busy and that he needed to play. If L did not listen to Light, would Light punish him, or would he punish L because he distracted him? L did not want to find out, so he kept quiet like a good baby. 

A few minutes later, L thought that it would be the best to distract himself from these bad feelings. If he were still a detective, he would have thrown himself at a case to distract himself. He did not have that option right now. That person seemed so far away- like a different person entirely. 

So, he needed to think about something else. L turned his head to look at the toys that Light left in the playpen. L reached for a brightly colored cube. Each side had a different fine motor activity to do- ties, buttons, a zipper, a strap, snaps, and crinkly material. L blamed it on boredom when he started to play with it. He started with the buttons, undoing and redoing them until he became bored, then moved onto the other sides. He liked the crinkly material. He liked the sound that it would make and the feeling. L smiled, squeezing the material again. 

“Am I gonna have to get you more of those?” Light asked, pleased when he walked over to see L on his tummy and playing with the sensory cube. L startled at the voice, looking up toward Light. Light chuckled at the reaction. “It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light said, reaching into the playpen and picking L up. L went into Light’s arms without protest, dropping the cube but keeping his friend in his arms. 

"Playing like a good boy while Papa was working," Light praised, kissing the side of L's head, "such a good baby."

L gave a faint smile at the praise. The look soon turned to horror as he realized he liked it. Of course, he knew that he liked praise. He tried all his life to please people from just a sliver of gentrification. He so rarely was able to please people, but he tried. He tried to be good, but so many times, it seemed all he was was bad to these people- Watari, Roger, the boys, BB, A, the Task Force. He failed everyone, and look where he is now. Maybe it would be easier to fully give into what Light wanted. He was already halfway there. Light's words from the first day came to his mind, "you’ll see. Being a baby won’t be so bad.” Maybe Light was right. 

No! He could not think like that. This is exactly how Light wanted him to think. Light wanted to break him. He could not allow that. 

L did not realize that tears were streaming down his face until Light wiped on away. 

"What's with the tears, Sweet Baby?" Light asked, bouncing L on his hip. L touched his wet face, his lower lip trembling pathetically. He could not tell Light what was wrong, what was going on inside of his head. At least he would say that he was a baby and should not have these thoughts. Worse, he could take his thoughts as a reason to punish him. He did not want a spanking. 

"Hey, don't cry, silly baby. Papa hates seeing you cry," Light held L closer, holding his head so that L's face was to his shoulder. L sniffled, suckling on his pacifier, trying to stop the torment of thoughts. 

"Shh, Baby Boy, it's okay. Papa's got you," Light said. He saw the look in L's eyes. He was fighting with himself. The old L wanted to come to the surface while regressed L wanted to stay. Light knew that he needed to put a stop to the internal battle going on within his baby and needed to make sure that regressed L won. So, Light sat in his office chair and bounced the baby on his knees. He continued to whisper sweet nothings into L's ear, calling him a good baby, saying that he was proud of him. 

"That's it, Baby," Light cooed as L calmed down. He looked back down at L so that he could see L's face. It looked like his regressed side won. "There's Papa's sweet baby."

"Baby?" L asked. Light was not sure exactly what L was asking, but he smiled. 

"Yes, you are Papa's sweet baby," Light told him, "such a good baby for Papa. Papa loves you." 

The words had a positive effect on L as he relaxed into Light's arms. He snuggled into Light's chest. Warm. Light was so warm. Warm meant safe. Was Light safe? Light told him that he was safe as long as he was with him. But L did not know if that was true. 

"S-safe," L stammered. 

"Yes, Baby, you are safe," Light said. L needed to be reassured right now. He needed to know that he was safe and that he was safe because of Light, "Papa will keep you safe, Baby, I promise.” 

L did not say anymore just leaned against Light. 

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Light began bouncing L to get his attention. L made a noise of inquiry, lifting his head off of L’s shoulder. 

“I wanna get you a bigger place to play in my office,” Light told him. He had been thinking about it for a while. He wanted to give L more freedom (well, as much as a parent would give to a six month old) and a bigger place to play was one of those things. Over the past few days, L had shown more interest in playing because he was not being drugged as much and not restrained if he was being good. That meant that L needed to do something to alleviate his boredom, and playing was one of the only ways that Light was giving him. 

L made a noise of understanding, not comprehending why Light was telling him this, but listening nonetheless. 

“But first Papa needs to teach you something,” Light said, standing up. 

L did not get the chance to ask ‘what’ before Light sat him down in the middle of the large room. L did not like that. He never liked the feeling of being in an open space. It made him feel vulnerable. That feeling was only enhanced now that for months he has been in a crib or playpen or in Light’s arms. If he was placed on the ground, Light was right there to play with him. He had never been placed on the floor and left there by himself. He did not like that. L hugged his friend close to his chest. At least he had that small comfort. 

Then, Light kneeled down in front of him. L wanted to ask what he was doing, but Light took his friend from his arms. L whined as Light walked away. He did not know what Light was doing and did not like it. He wanted his friend back. L did not say anything, however, wondering if this was some kind of test. Light was now sitting about ten feet away from him with his friend in his lap. L whimpered again. 

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light said with a smile. 

“Friend,” L moaned miserably. In the back of his mind, he knew that he should not react like this. He was an adult and it was just a stuffed toy. But, it was his stuffed toy. Light gave it to him and told him that it was his. L could not help that he grew attached. He always grew attached to things like that easily. 

“I know you want you friend,” Light said, sympathy in his tone, Light held it out, just out of L’s reach, “came get it, Baby Boy.” 

Did Light want him to crawl to him? Months ago he would have been angry at that, but now he was scared. L had tried to crawl before, but Light always punished him for it, so he stopped trying. The incident in the bathroom a few days ago was the last time he tried. Did Light want an excuse to punish him? No, that did not sound like Light. When Light told him to do something that was because Light wanted him to do it. He explained that a lot. But, Light never did anything without reason. Why did he want to teach L to crawl? There had to be a reason. 

L then looked toward the door. L knew that he could not escape right now (did he even want to?) with Light sitting so close. Is this what Light wanted to test? Probably. Well, L was not going to miss his opportunity to get a little more freedom. 

Light noticed the conflict that was going on inside of L’s head and saw him look toward the door. Light wondered for a second if he was going too quickly. He wanted L to crawl and wanted to control when L crawled as he had tried a few times. This might be too soon, however, Light thought, and was about to go get L when L squirmed onto his hands and knees. 

L looked toward the door one more time before he put his right hand in front of him and took a step forward. He hesitated after a couple of steps. Crawling toward Light felt like he was sealing his fate, but had he not been stealing his fate in so many different ways. 

“C’mon, Baby,” Light said when L hesitated. He was so close, “come to Papa. Come get your friend.” 

“Friend,” L whispered. He nearly said ‘Papa,’ but he only called Light that when he needed to. 

“Yeah, Baby,” Light said, smiling brightly when L took a couple more steps, then a couple more, until he was finally close enough to reach Light. 

“There you are, Baby Boy,” Light praised in a high pitched voice, gathering the baby in his arms. He handed the baby the stuffed animal, causing L to smile happily and snuggle it to his chest. Light kissed the baby’s cheek, and to L’s horror and Light delight, he giggled. 

“Aw, giggly baby,” Light cooed, tickling L’s side. L giggled and squirmed. Light chuckled, continued to tickle L until he was squealing with laughter. It was the first time that he ever did something like that, and Light determined not to make it the last. When Light stopped tickling him, L squirmed so that he could snuggle with Light. He then yawned.

“Sleepy baby?” Light asked, looking up at the clock. It was a little bit past the baby’s nap time. “How about a bottle and nap, Sweet Baby.” 

L nodded, knowing that he did not have a choice. 

He was sleepy anyway. 

…

Light brought L home a half a year ago. He stopped using the criminals weeks ago because Light did not feel like L needed the reminders anymore. He only drugged L when he was going to sleep to make sure that L slept through the night and took his naps. He did not drug L during the day anymore, the last time he did was when he took L outside for the first time just to make sure that L was docile. Light only restrained L during night time and nap time or when he was acting out. The last time he spanked then restrained L was because L tried to hit him in a moment of rebellion, that was a couple of weeks ago. There were only little moments of misbehavior, even with the new freedoms that Light was allowing him, which were normally taken care of with a firm voice.

Currently, it was nearly time to get L ready for bed. He was crawling around in his bigger playpen that ran the length of the side wall. L was cooing about something. Light smiled. It was the cutest thing, and Light was so happy with the regression of L talking. L did not talk too much in his past life in the first place, so it was not too much of a surprise that it was easy to get him to stop talking all together. The cooing was a shock when L first did it, however, but Light kept praising it and encouraged it until L was doing it so that Light praised him and to get his attention. 

L’s coos then got more insistent. He was trying to get Light’s attention. Light looked toward the baby. L was on his knees, hands grabbing the top of the barrier with his monkey tucked under his arm. The baby could easily step over the barrier like Light did everyday, but after getting in trouble for attempting to, he did not try anymore. 

“Give me a second, Sweet Baby,” Light told him, “Papa has one more thing to do.” 

L gave a tiny whine but sat down on his bottom with his knees to his chest. He still sat like that. It was something of the old L that Light had not been able to get rid of. Light tried to get L to stop it, but nothing that he did made him stop. Light was not willing to punish him for how he naturally sat, and it did not seem to affect anything. 

“I have to sit like this. If I were to sit normally, my deductive skills will immediately be reduced by roughly 40%,” L told him once. Light snored quietly. L used to be full of half truths and lies, which one that was, Light was not sure, but thought that it must be a half truth. It made sense to an extent. When one was uncomfortable, it could be harder to think because of the discomfort. Because L was still sitting like that, Light thought that it was just how L felt the most comfortable sitting. What that said about L and his general self confidence, Light decided not to think about. That was not their lives anymore. 

“Okay, Baby, are we ready to go to bed?” Light asked. 

L shook his head. He wanted to take a bath and a bottle first. 

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Light asked playfully. L, as expected did not say anything, but cooed. There was a voice in the back of his mind that told him that he was an adult and should talk like one, but L ignored it. Light said that he was good when he did that. He wanted to be a good boy. 

Be good. Be good. 

He had not thought of escaping for over a month. 

“You need a bath first, don’t you?” Light asked with a smile, knowing that L relayed on a schedule. L nodded, resting his head on Light’s shoulder. 

Light smiled, kissing the top of L’s head. 

He wanted to try something tonight. He would need to be careful, but it could be a huge step if it worked. 

“Let’s get your baba, Sweet Baby,” Light said, picking L up after getting done with L’s bath. L nodded. Light prepared a bottle with as much of the drug that he could. It would make L sleep throughout the night without any interruptions possible, which is what he needed.

Light unbuckled and took L’s pacifier out of his mouth. L took the bottle without protest and suckled it down. 

“Good baby,” Light praised, rocking gently, “you’ve been such a good baby for me.” 

L whined as the fuzziness in his brain and sleepiness overtook him. He had not felt like this in a long time and knew what that meant. Was he being bad? No, Light just told him that he was being good. He wanted to be good. 

“It’s okay, Sweet Baby,” Light said when L whimpered and stopped suckling on his bottle, “drink your baba like a good baby. Be Papa’s good baby.”

Be a good baby. L needed to be a good baby for Light. Be good. Be good. Be… 

“Good baby,” Light whispered when L was done with his bottle, replacing the bottle with a pacifier without the straps. He stood with the mostly asleep L in his arms. He bounced L gently when he made a noise of confusion. Light knew that the drug could make it hard for L to comprehend things when given to him in this amount. It was for his own good, however. 

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light said, opening the crib, placing L in the crib without his swaddler on, “Papa’s got you. Here’s your friend.”

L’s eyes cracked open his eyes and cooed, lifting his arms to his friend, not thinking about how he should not be able to move his arms. Light smiled, placing the monkey into L’s arms.

“Sweet Baby,” Light said, tucking a fuzzy blanket around the baby. L rolled over to his side and curled up into a ball, pacifier bobbing in his mouth. Light smiled, running a hand through L’s hair. 

L was asleep in just a few seconds. 

“Night, Sweet Baby,” Light said. He closed the crib and left the room. When he got to his room, he turned the baby monitor up as loud as it could go so that he could hear if anything happened. He also made sure that all of the alarms were on. If L got out, he would know. 

…

L woke up the next morning and realized that he was not in his swaddler. L sat up, hugging his friend to his chest, confused. One side of him was overjoyed. Light said that the better that he behaved, the less that he would be restrained and the less that he would need to take his medicine. If he went to bed without his swaddle, that meant that he was being a good boy. There was another side of him that missed the comforting pressure, but he was too happy that Light did not put the swaddle on, that he did not pay attention to that side of him. 

L got up on his knees and cooed in the direction of the baby monitor. His diaper was yucky (L tried not to feel ashamed about that) and he was hungry, but most of all, he wanted Light’s praise. He wanted Light to say that he was a good boy because he was able to sleep without his swaddler. 

Light woke up to the cooing and smiled. L stayed in his crib all night without the restraints while he was drugged, and he stayed put when he woke up. 

“Morning, Baby Boy,” Light smiled when he saw L still in his crib, on his knees, pacifier still in his mouth and monkey in his arms, “such a good baby, going ni-ni without your swaddle. Such a good baby.” 

L gave a shy smile, not protesting when Light lifted him out of the crib. L relaxed into Light’s arms, the drugs making it difficult to wake up. 

Light saw the shy smile and said, “sweet baby. Good baby. Let’s get you changed then we’ll get some breakfast, okay.” 

L hummed in agreement. 

…

Nights past just like that, Light would put L to bed with less and less of the drug without the swaddle, until he did not need the swaddle or medicine. It was such good progress and Light was so proud that he did not have to drug him anymore and hardly had to restrain him- only during his rare fits. 

Light could tell that some of the obedience and infantile behavior was an act because he did not want a punishment. That will change in time. L will fully regress and be the perfect baby because he wants to be Light’s good baby. 

One night, Light woke up to hear heart breaking cries through the baby monitor. Light was alert in a second and rushed to his baby’s room, thinking that the baby had a nightmare. The only bad thing about taking L off the drugs, is that it brought back the nightmares that he would have when they were chained together. 

“Poor baby,” Light cooed as he rushed over to the crib and picked L up, “what’s wrong, Sweet Baby?” 

L held his forehead and rubbed it. It hurt!

“Aw, did you hit your head?” Light asked, moving L’s hand to see that he had a red mark on his forehead. It was not a bad mark and would probably be gone by in the morning. More than likely, L was more upset by the fact that he woke himself up and scared himself than hurt. 

“Papa’ll make it all better,” Light said with a smile, kissing the red mark on L’s forehead, “see, all better.” 

L rubbed his forehead again and sniffled, tears slowing down now that he was in Light’s arms. He buried his face into Light’s shoulder. 

“Okay, let’s get your diaper change, then back ni-ni for you,” Light said, walking over to the changing table. 

“No ni-ni,” L sniffled, voice croaking from both upset and lack of use. 

“What do you mean?” Light asked, sitting L on the changing table, knowing that something must be very wrong if L was trying to talk. 

L whined. He knew what he wanted to say, but it was like something was needing the words under lock and key, “no no ni-ni,” L pouted. 

That is when Light remembered that L was an insomniac, and that it should not be a surprise that it would come back every now and again. Of course, now being used to getting a normal amount of sleep, he would get upset by not being able to sleep, then hitting his head would make him more upset. 

“Aw, poor baby, you can’t sleep, can you?” Light said, pulling the baby into a comforting hug. While he did not want to give L any drugs, if it was to get him to sleep, it would not be too bad. 

Then, a thought came to mind. He could use L’s other swaddle, the one without the arms. It was obvious to Light that L got some comfort from it. L might get upset as he would think of it as a punishment, but if it helped him sleep, then Light would be willing to try. 

“Okay, Baby, Papa has an idea,” Light said, causing L to make a noise of question, “but first, lets get you changed.” 

L laid down without protest, letting Light change his wet diaper, blushing slightly. 

“Good baby,” Light praised, as he always did when L was pliant. Light then reached down and grabbed the other swaddler.

L immediately started sobbing as soon as he saw it. He was not being a bad boy! He did not mean to hit his head. He wanted to go to sleep but just couldn’t. He did not mean to. He did not mean to. He wanted to be good. He did not want to be restrained!

Light reacted immediately, pulling the baby into a hug, “shh, Baby. Calm down, everything okay. It’s not a punishment. Shh. Shh.” 

L sniffled, tears slowing at the reasurences. It was not a punishment? L whimpered, then what was it? 

“Listen to Papa,” Light said and L nodded, “good baby. Papa thinks that the swaddle will help you sleep.” 

That made sense to L. He did miss the soothing pressure of the swaddle, but he did not want back in it. He was not being a bad boy. 

“Can you try for Papa?” Light asked. 

L whimpered but nodded. He would try for Pa- Light. 

Light put the swaddle on him, placing L’s arms by his side, wrapping the wings around the baby snuggly. L relaxed into the pressure.

“Good baby,” Light praised, picking L up and carrying him to the rocking chair, rocking until L fell asleep in his arms. 

Light smiled, looks like they would need to use the swaddle for now on. 

…

L had been home for eight months now, and Light had to leave for at least a few days. He had a lead on the second L and needed to check it out himself. Of course, that left Light in a bind. He could not take L out of the house and take him with him, no matter how much he wanted to. It was too dangerous for a baby to come along. 

So, that left Light with one question, who did he trust to watch L. His top supporters, Mikami and Takada, were coming with him to fulfill different rolls on the mission. Plus, he did not know if he trusted them to take care of L. He was still in a very vulnerable state and one wrong move could undo months of training. 

Then he thought that Asahi could watch L for a while. The man was friendly enough when he saw L, waving to him and handing him a toy every now and again. Ever since the first time he sent Asahi in to get L, Light asked him to a few more times when he was busy to the point that L did not cry anymore when Asahi entered his room. 

It was not ideal, far from, but Light did not have another option. Luckily, Asahi agreed to watch over L for a few days. 

When he told L that he had to leave, L simply cocked his head, like he did not understand what Light was saying, though Light knew that he did. 

“Bye, bye, Baby Boy,” Light said, kissing the side of L’s head, as he put him down on the floor of his room, “Papa’ll be back in a few days, Baby.” 

L watched Light’s back as he left. He did not know how to feel about Light leaving for a few days. One side of him wanted to throw a fit because Light was leaving and he did not know what to do without Light there. Light had succeeded in making L completely dependent on him. Someone could hurt L when Light was gone, and that was L’s number one fear. There was another side of him that was happy to see Light go. He could use this opportunity to escape. He had not thought of that in so long that it scared him. He should not try and escape. He should stay. He should be good for Light while he is gone. He should want to stay. Should he? Does he? 

L whimpered, the thoughts in his head too confusing to decipher on his own. He suckled on his pacifier. He wanted his friend. His friend was in his crib and his crib was open. Light said that he was allowed to crawl in his room, so L got on his hands and knees and started to crawl toward his crib to get his friend. 

Suddenly, he was picked up off the ground. L hummed in question, not protesting as he was not supposed to, but he did not relax into Asahi as he did for Light. 

“You poor fucking bastard,” Asahi said, causing L’s stomach to sink. He did not like the voice that Asahi was using or the words that he was saying. He tried to squirm out of the man’s arms. Unfortunately, Asahi was stronger than even Light and held onto him firmly. “You are just another one of Kira’s victims. Unfortunately for you, you are the person that he cares about most.”

L whined, pushing against Asahi, kicking his legs. He did not trust whatever Asahi was planning. He wanted to get away and find Light. Light would protect him from whatever Asahi was planning to do to him. But, L was too weak to fight against the man. 

“Stay still. It will be easier for you if you just went along with it,” Asahi said in a board monotone. He was walking toward the bathroom. He grabbed a wooden hairbrush that Light used to brush his hair. 

L shook his head and whimpered, tears already burning his eyes. He did not want a spanking. He had not got one in months. He had not done anything to deserve one. The last one he got was because he tried to climb out of his playpen. He was not trying to escape, but he wanted Light because he was bored. After realizing this, Light gave him five spankings on top of his diaper. It did not hurt, but just knowing that he was in trouble made him cry. 

Asahi, then sat down on the crib and roughly pulled L down across his lap. L kicked his leg as Asahi pulled down his pants and diaper. “No, please,” L begged, trying to squirm away. The only thoughts going through his mind was that he did not deserve it, and that he wanted Light. Light would not randomly hurt him. He knew how to be good for Light. He did not know how to stop Asahi. 

“Shut up!” Asahi shouted as he hit L’s bottom with the brush repeatedly. 

L gasped, trying not to cry, but it was hard. The brush hurt so much worse than Light’s hand. By the time ten spankings passed, L was bawling and hoping that he was all done. Light’s spankings only lasted more than ten hits when L was still fighting him. Unfortunately, Asahi was not done, he kept going. 

Eventually, L was screaming due to the pain. It felt like fire. He was clawing at Asahi and was squirming, trying to get away from the pain. He just wanted the pain to stop. 

By the time that Asahi was done, L’s throat burned from all his screaming, and he was completely limp over Asahi’s lap. He had no idea how long this was going to for and could not even feel it too much anymore. He felt numb. L had not felt this way in so long.

Asahi pulled up L’s diaper and pants, practically throwing L into his crib. L whimpered as pain exploded in his backside. He stayed perfectly still as Asahi left the room. 

After a few seconds, L broke and sobbed loudly. His bottom and back hurt so bad. He was scared. He did not want Asahi. Asahi hurt. 

L squirmed carefully as to not hurt himself anymore, curling up into a tight ball. He covered himself in his fuzzy blanket to hide. He then grabbed his friend and held it tightly to his chest. L stuck his thumb into his mouth and suckled to try and self soothe. 

He really, really wanted Light. He wanted Light to come in and pick him up and call him a good baby and take away all of his hurt. He wanted Light to hold him. He needed Light’s snuggles. 

He wanted Papa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... sorry.  
> Next chapter, Light will find out what happened- you can assume his reaction. Then, after getting sick, L is fully broken.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light gets back and finds out what Asahi did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all folks.

L hates Asahi. More than he hated Light when he first started all of this, more than he hated BB when he betrayed him and Wammy's. That first spanking was not his last. His bottom constantly felt as if it were on fire. It hurt so bad. The worst part about the spankings was that he had no idea what he was doing bad. He came to the conclusion that it did not matter what he did, Asahi would spank him. That did not stop L from feeling like it was all his fault and trying to think of ways to be good. 

Be good. Be good. Be better. 

But it did not matter what he did. He could be completely silent and still and the perfect baby, but it did not matter. Asahi still hit him with the hairbrush at least three times a day. 

Asahi does other things to hurt him. He does not change his diaper as often as they need to be, causing a rash on his genitals and bottom and thighs. That hurt. He only got a rash once since being a baby, and that was a mild one that cleared up within a couple of days with more frequent diaper changes and ointment. That one did not hurt unless it was touched. Light had been so apologetic whenever L winced and squirmed, saying that he was sorry, but it was normal for babies to get diaper rashes every once and awhile. This one hurt no matter what he did. He tried laying on his side, but that put too much pressure on his inner thighs. When he laid on his tummy, it put pressure on his privates. It hurt the worst when he sat up, as that put too much weight on his bruises and rash. The position that hurt least was when he was on his tummy with his knees tucked under him and he bottom in the air like a frog. 

Asahi even took his friend and his favorite fuzzy blanket. He still had several stuffed animals and blankets and sensory blankets that L liked. It was not the same, however, without his friend or his favorite sheep blankie. He just wanted them back. It was not fair that Asahi took them. Light never ever took them, even during a spanking or time out. 

At least Asahi gave him back his pacifier, but Asahi said that was because he did not want to hear his whining. 

"Want Light," he whispered to the current teddy bear he was snuggling with. It was not as good as his friend, but it was enough for now. There was a voice in the back of his mind that told him that he should not want Light and that he should be trying to get away from here now. But he was terrified. If Asahi hurt him when he was being a good boy, then he did not want to know what would happen if he was a bad boy. Plus, he did want Light, no matter how much he should not. He wanted Light to pick him up and call him a good boy and say that he was going to take away all of his hurt and snuggle him. He wanted Light to give him a bath (something that Asahi has not done yet) and feed him a bottle and rock him to sleep. He wanted to play in Light's office, where Light would say that he was a sweet baby for playing and cooing. 

He just wanted love, and a hug from Light would be perfect. 

"Light," L groaned miserably, burying his face in his pillow, "Papa."

"You're not starting that again," Asahi said harshly. 

L whimpered, stopping himself from saying anything else. The first night that Light was gone, L had a nightmare and woke up, screaming for Light, calling him Papa in intervals. Asahi did not react to having his sleep disturbed well. He came into L's room and spanked him until he was not yelling anymore. So, he did not talk much when Asahi was in the room or coo much. 

"Come here," Asahi said, but in the comforting voice that Light would use. 

“N-no, please," L begged. He knew that he should not say no. It made people mad, but he could not help it. He did not want another spanking. "Hurts, please no."

“Shut up and come here,” Asahi said harshly, yanking him up.

“No,” L sobbed, tears already streaming down his face, “Papa, Papa!”

Unfortunately, Papa did not come. He was still halfway across the country and could not hear his baby’s cries for help. 

…

Light gave a frustrated huff. The mission had not necessarily been a failure, but he did not get the amount of information that he wanted. Mostly, he did not get the location of Wammy’s House, which he needed. The temptation to ask L about it did come up. L was a Wammy’s orphan and had to know that location of the orphanage, but Light quickly brushed that thought away. Not only was L likely loyal to Wammy’s House and would not tell Light anything if he was, interrogating him would undo months of training by getting him to think about his past life. No, he could not ask L about it. L was just a baby. A baby should not have to worry about this type of stuff. 

Light gave a small smile. He was going home after nearly a week of being gone, and he was going to see his baby. Light could not wait to get to his baby so that he could snuggle him and tell him how much he missed him. 

All he could hope was that his baby was okay and that this week had not undone any training. 

…

"Your Papa should be back soon," Asahi said before bathing him. It was the best thing that he ever heard. He just wanted his Papa so bad. He did not care if he should not think of Light as Papa or if he should not want him. At least Light did not hurt him and gave him snuggles and fed him and played with him. At least he called him a good boy and said he loved him. 

L was laid back down in his crib and told to take a nap. L whined and squirmed onto his tummy and tucked his knees under him. He had not received a spanking that day, and that was a small miracle. His bottom still hurt like crazy, but it felt better than it has in days. Light could make the rest of his pain go away. L was confident about that though he did not know why. 

He should take a nap, L thought. He was super sleepy, and maybe Light would get back faster if he went to sleep. 

"Light," L muttered sleepily, burrowing further into his blankets and snuggled his teddy bear. 

"Papa."

…

Light smiled as he looked over his baby's crib. He was lying down on his belly with his knees under him. It was the most adorable sleeping position that L had. It was a little bit past when L should be taking a nap, but Light did not mind too much. 

"How long has he been sleeping?" Light asked. 

"A couple of hours," Asahi answered. 

"Thank you," Light said, then excused the man when he lingered. He wanted some time alone with his baby. 

Light let L sleep for thirty more minutes before waking him. He hated to wake him, especially when he noticed that the dark circles were back slightly, but Asahi said that L had a hard time sleeping while he was gone. That did not surprise Light at all. 

Light opened the crib and sat down on the edge, "hey, Sweet Baby," Light said, rubbing up and down L's back, "it's time to wake up." 

L groaned, pacifier bobbing faster in his mouth. He squirmed away from the hand. He did not want to wake up yet. It was still nap time in L's book. 

"Aw, sleepy baby," L heard Light coo. It took a second for L to process that it was Light's voice, but when he did, he opened his eyes. He looked at Light's smiling face. He stared, not able to process that Light was back. 

Light was back. Light was back. That meant that he would not get hurt anymore. That meant that all his hurt would be taken care of. That meant he would get cuddles and bottles and kisses. 

Everything was suddenly so overwhelming. Tears burned in L’s eyes and he let out a sob. He sat up and reached out for Light. He needed Light to hold him. He needed it. 

Light was concerned by the tears, “c’mere, Baby Boy,” Light said, picking the baby up and holding him tightly to his chest. L imminently latched onto Light, holding onto him as tightly as he could. He hid his face into Light’s shoulder and just cried out all of his hurt and fear and everything. 

Light, meanwhile, was confused. He knew that L would either be relieved and want a cuddle with him upon his return, or not have a reaction at all. He was hoping for the former, but in no world did he expect this heartbreaking sobbing. Something had to be wrong. Was L hurt? If Asahi did not tell him about an injury or hurt his baby, the man was dead. 

Light shook his head to distract himself from his murderous thoughts. First, he needed to calm L down and get answers out of him. So, he bounced the baby on his hip.

“Shh, Baby, shh,” Light whispered in the baby’s ear, “everything’s okay. Papa’s here. Papa’s got you.”

Light continued to whisper soothing nothings into L’s ear, but it was not helping. Fifteen minutes later, L was still crying loudly. Light was at a loss, he had never seen L cry like this- completely inconsolable- not even after a nightmare or spanking. Light walked over to the rocking chair and sat down with L in his lap. He started to rock slowly back and forth. He patted L’s back and ran a hand through L’s hair. 

“I know you are so upset, aret’cha,” Light said, “it’s okay. You can be upset, but when you calm down, you need to tell Papa what’s wrong. Just calm down when you are ready, so that Papa can fix it.” 

Light then picked up one of L’s favorite books and started to read. 

Between Light’s soothing reading voice and calming rocking, L was able to calm down so that he was not sobbing, but sniffling. Tears still streamed down his face but he was able to understand what was going on around him when a few moments ago he was so overcome with emotion that he could not think. L shifted in Light’s arms to find a more comfortable position that was not wet. He hissed when he put too much weight on his bottom, but he was able to find a mostly comfortable spot where he could relax against Light. He snuggled into Light’s chest, clenching Light’s shirt. He looked up at Light with big, tear filled eyes. 

Light noticed L’s sounds of pain, but was relieved when he finally relaxed fully against him. He looked down at L, who was looking back up at his with the most adorable tear filled eyes. His breathing was still irregular and tears escaped his eyes. The poor baby was still very upset. Light did not want him to get that inconsolable again, so he continued to read until the book was finished. 

Once Light was finished with the book, L was thankfully fully calm once again. His eyes were closed and breathing was even. He was suckling on his pacifier steadily and his thumb was close to his mouth. 

“Sweet baby,” Light whispered, kissing the top of his head. L nuzzled Light’s chest and sniffled, enjoying the warmth and safety that radiated from Light.

Light enjoyed holding the now calm baby. He wished that he could hold him forever, but he needed answers. So, he pushed L back so that he could see his face easier. L whimpered and held onto Light tighter. Light was going to go away again. Light could not go away and leave him with Asahi. He could not. L did not want to get hurt. 

“Hey, Baby Boy,” Light said, “it’s okay, Baby. Papa is right here and he just wants to know why you are so upset. Can you tell Papa what’s wrong?”

L rubbed his eyes and looked down at his lap. “Hurt,” L croaked. He wanted to say so much more. He wanted to tell Light everything that happened. That Asahi spanked him when he did not do anything bad and did not change his diaper and that he took away his friend and he was awful to him. But the words were locked up somewhere, and L could not say them. He whimpered, hoping that Light could figure it all out. 

“What’s hurt, Baby?” Light asked, now very concerned. 

“Bottom,” L answered, one word responses where all he could manage, though it was exhausting. He did not want to talk at all. 

“How’d your bottom get hurt?” Light asked. 

L whimpered, tears once again sprung in his eyes. He wanted to tell. He wanted to so badly, but he could not. He started crying again, trying to communicate his hurt in the only way he could. 

“Okay, Baby, c’mere,” Light said, pulling the baby into another hug. It was evident that he would not get anymore information out of the baby with his one word responses. He needed to check L and see how hurt his bottom was- it could just be a diaper rash- and question Asahi. 

“Let’s change your diaper and Papa will look, okay, Baby?” Light asked. 

L nodded. He wanted Light to know. 

“Thank you, Sweet Baby,” Light said, kissing the top of L’s head and walking over to the changing table. He unzipped the sleeper that L was in. He untaped the diaper and hissed by what he saw when he peeled it back. L had a bright red rash all over his bottom, genitals and thighs. His bottom also was practically black and blue with all the bruises that covered it. 

L closed his eyes as he felt Light pull down his pants and tugged off his diaper. He already knew what that area looked like and he did not want to see it. When he heard Light hiss, L opened his eyes. Light looked so angry. His face did his scary twisty thing that made L’s stomach drop. 

Was Light angry with him? Did he think that L was a bad boy for Asahi and deserved it? Was Light going to give him a spanking? L did not want a spanking! He did not do anything wrong. He did not. He didn’t! He was a good boy!

L started crying as all those scary thoughts became overwhelming. He did not want Light angry with him and was so scared that he was and the consequences of that.

Light’s anger became nearly uncontrollable when L started to cry again. He wanted to find wherever Asahi was and kill him with his bare hands. But he could not do that yet. First, he needed to get his baby calm and comfortable. 

Knowing this, he pulled the baby into another hug, petting L’s silky hair. “It’s okay baby boy,” Light assured, “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at Asahi. He was horrible to you, wasn’t he?” 

L nodded and groaned miserably, calming now that he knew that Light was not mad. Light was not mad. That meant that he would not get anymore spankings and Light would be nice. Light would cuddle and make everything better. He just wanted everything to be better. 

No more owies. 

“Okay, Baby, here is what we’re gonna do,” Light said, once L calmed down again, “I’m going to clean you, put medicine on your owies and get you into a nice, clean diaper. Then, we can have a snuggle. Maybe we can get you a baba.” 

“Snuggle. Baba,” L sniffled. He really, really wanted to snuggle and he was hungry. 

“Okay, Baby,” Light smiled, enjoying L’s childish speech in the back of his mind. It was so damned cute, “we can snuggle for a while and get you a baba. First, let Papa change you. It’ll help you feel better.” 

L nodded, obediently laying down when Light told him. 

“Good baby,” Light praised, rubbing L’s tummy and leaning down to grab a diaper and ointment. He was not going to wipe L down. That would hurt the poor baby more than it was worth. 

L hissed when Light started to spread the cream all over his diaper area. The touch burned, but the cream was soothing. So, L tried to squirm as little as possible, though he could not help but squirm a little. 

“I know it hurts, Sweetheart. Papa’s so sorry it hurts, Baby,” Light said, and he was sorry. So, so sorry. He left L alone with a monster that abused him. 

“Up we go,” Light said after he was done changing the baby, putting L on his hip and wrapping an arm around his waist to avoid his raw bottom, “let’s get you a baba, okay. Do you want your friend?”

L whimpered. He did want his friend. He wanted it so bad, but it was gone. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Light asked, hating how upset his poor baby was getting. 

“Gone,” L whimpered. 

“Gone?” Light asked, “did Asahi take it?” 

L’s eyes watered again and nodded. 

“Ohh, Baby,” Light said with sympathy, knowing how attached L was to his friend, “it’s okay, Papa will get your friend back, okay.” 

L nodded, believing Light. Light always kept his promises. 

“Let’s get your baba first,” Light told him. 

L made a noise of agreement, nuzzling into Light’s chest. He suckled at his pacifier and fiddled with the back of Light’s shirt. 

“Sweet baby,” Light praised, kissing L’s forehead. Light retrieved L’s bottle. 

“Baba,” L cooed, reaching for it. 

“You’re hungry, aren’tch?” Light asked, worried that Asahi did not feed L correctly. 

L nodded, suckling with vigor once Light let him. 

“Slow down, Baby,” Light said, “You’re gonna give yourself a tummy ache.”

L whined but listened, slowing down in his drinking. He had to be a good boy for Light. He had to listen. 

“Good baby,” Light praised, rocking slowly in the chair, “you’re such a good baby boy.” 

L snuggled as deeply as he could into Light while drinking. 

“All done, Baby Boy,” Light said when L finished the bottle. L gave a small whine of protest. “It’s okay, Baby Boy. Here’s your pacifier,” Light pressed the pacifier, smiling when L took it without protest. “Good baby.” 

They sat there for a few minutes, enjoying holding and being held. Light started humming a lullaby under his breath. 

L yawed widely past his pacifier and fiddled with Light's shirt. He was still super sleepy, but he did not want to sleep. Light was back. He wanted to be with Light. He whined sleepily. No more sleep.

“Shh, Baby,” Light cooed, “it’s okay, you can go back ni-ni.” 

L shook his head with a whimper. He did not want ni-ni. 

“Yes,” Light said, “it’s okay. You’re super sleepy.”

L gave a whiny coo, clinching Light’s shirt in an iron grip. 

“Yes, Papa will stay,” Light fibbed. Unfortunately, when L fell asleep Light would need to find Asahi, but L would be none the wiser when he was asleep. “Papa will be right here when you sleep. I got’cha.” 

L relaxed at the assurances.

“That’s it, Baby,” Light said, “now close your eyes for Papa and go ni-ni.” 

Thankfully, L did close his eyes and was asleep within seconds. 

“Good baby,” Light smiled when his baby’s breathing finally evened out and snored quietly. “Such a sweet baby boy.” 

Light stood up and carried the baby to the crib. He laid the baby in it as gently as possible. L hummed in his sleep and squirmed into a comfortable position before settling back down. Light smiled and tucked his baby in with one of his fuzzy blankies, noticing that his favorite blanket was missing. 

Light’s blood boiled. Asahi hurt his baby. He was going to pay. 

…

First, Light called a couple of his guards and had them bring Asahi one of the cells. He had to know exactly what Asahi did to L before he killed him. He needed the punishment to fit the crime. The crime was already pretty severe- spanking L until he had bruises, not changing his diaper, and taking away his favorite comfort items. Hurting L.

“What did you do to L?” Light growled when he saw Asahi in his cell. 

“I do not know what you are speaking of, Kami,” Asahi lied. 

“Drop the bullshit,” Light demanded, “I know you hurt L. I can look back at the footage.” 

“Then go do that,” Asahi said. 

Light snarled at the disrespect, but knew that he needed to keep his cool. “Why? Why would you hurt L. He’s innocent now.”

“Perhaps you should have thought about that before you murdered so many innocent people,” Asahi claimed. 

“I have never killed an innocent person,” Light said. He either killed criminals or people who stood in his way. L was going to be one of those people and Light hated to think about that- how close L came to death by his own hands. But now, it was Light’s duty to protect him, and that most definitely included from the monster in front of him.

“Momoko Nakamura,” Asahi said. 

“Who’s that?” 

“Kira does not remember the people he kills,” Asahi said, spitting out the name ‘Kira’ like an insult. 

Light sighed, already tired of the conversation with the egotistical bastard through the bars. “You are aware that your actions will lead to your death, correct?” 

“I was dead the day you killed my sister.” 

…

Light was livid by time he finished reviewing not even half of the relevant footage. Seeing his baby kicking and screaming through spankings that he did not deserve, crying as his comfort items were stolen (luckily he had been able to find them in Asahi’s quarters), trying and failing to find a comfortable position to lay down in, and crying out for Papa was nearly too much for him to handle. He wanted to kill Asahi with his own hands. 

No, Asahi did not deserve to die quickly. He deserved a slow and painful death for hurting his baby. Light smirked as he grabbed his Death Note and walked to Asahi’s cell. 

“Asahi Nakamura will start to experience severe pain at 5:48 P.M today- 5/8/2007. This pain will steadily increase over the span of hours and days, until he dies of a heart attack at 5:48 PM on 5/12/2007,” Light read to a stone face Asahi. The man did not look scared, but he would be soon. 

Light smirked as he walked away and started to hear pain filled grunts coming from Asahi’s cell. 

…

L yawned as he woke up and stretched. “Papa,” L muttered, the name slipping out without him thinking about it. He did not care anymore. Maybe Light was right, it would not be so bad to be his baby. He would not get hurt anymore. He would not have to work himself to the bone to get an ounce of praise and gratification from others. He would not have to put himself in danger. He would not have to stay up for nights on end, wondering if someone would make good on their promise and kill him. He would not have to live in fear all the time. He would have someone to hold him and love him and call him good. He would get all of the things that he had grown to receive comfort from. He would be warm. He would be fed. He knew exactly what the rules were and while the boundaries were still a little fuzzy, he could learn them. He knew how to make everything better after he made a mistake or did something bad. One mistake would not be held against him for months or even years with Light. After a punishment- everything was forgiven and he was given cuddles and kisses and called a good boy. L just wanted to be good. He could be good for Light. He wanted to be good for Light. 

There was a voice in the back of his head that called him crazy, and said that Kira brainwashed him. 

So what if Light did brainwash him? After all of the times that he cried out for Papa the last few days and begged for him to come back and save him from Asahi he did not care. He just wanted to be Light’s good baby. He wanted Light to be his Papa. 

“Hey there baby,” Light said as he noticed that the baby was awake. He heard L’s little call for him and smiled. 

L smiled back and reached up for Light. Light’s smile got broader. He would never get enough of L reaching out for him to pick him up.

“Sweet baby,” Light cooed, picking his baby up and placing him on his hip. L hugged him and buried his face in Light’s shoulder. “Aw, snuggly baby,” Light kissed the side of L’s head. 

L gave a shy smile against Light’s shoulder. 

“Hey, Baby, look what I found,” Light said. L lifted his head and saw the Light was holding his friend. L gave a high pitched squeal of delight, reaching for his friend. 

Light chuckled at the baby’s reaction, handing L his friend. L held his friend tightly to his chest and smiled brightly. The voice in the back of his mind finally shut up for a little while. 

Light then grabbed L’s favorite sheep blankie and covered him with it. L cooed and rubbed the blanket against his cheek, enjoying the fuzziness against his cheek. 

“Such a good boy,” Light smiled. 

L smiled, happy that his Papa was back.

…

Unfortunately, that was not the end of the incident. Asahi died the moment that he was supposed to in agonizing pain, but that did not stop Asahi from invading their lives. 

L was extremely clingy the next few days after Light got back. Light could not say that he was surprised. Light left one time and a man abuses him. He associated Light’s absence with pain now more than ever. L did not want to be put down, whimpering and silently crying when put down. While it was heartbreaking, Light could not get enough of L reaching up for him with tear filled eyes. Thankfully, after reassurances and a bunch of cuddles, L was able to be in his playpen alone as long as Light was in his eyesight. 

L was terrified to crawl or even coo for days after Light got back. At first, when Light tried to encourage him to crawl or coo, L would start sobbing as if scared he was going to get in trouble.

‘Asahi hurt L for this stuff,’ Light had to remind himself several times, ‘it’s going to take patience.’ 

“You can crawl, Sweet Baby,” Light said, trying to encourage him to crawl to him, “it’s okay.” 

L whimpered, curling up onto himself, holding his knees, bottom finally healed enough to sit down. He reached out for Light. He did not want to crawl and risk getting hurt. He wanted Light to pick him up. He needed a snuggle. 

“Come here, Baby,” Light said, “come to Papa and we can have a snuggle.” 

L whimpered again and pouted passed his pacifier. He wanted to snuggle. It was not any fair that Papa would not pick him up. 

“C’mon, Baby. Be a good boy and come to Papa,” Light encouraged again. 

L suckled on his pacifier harder. He wanted to be good. He wanted a good boy for Light. He was still scared, but he wanted to be good. 

Be good. Be good. 

With those thoughts in his mind, L squirmed on to his hands and knees.

“Good boy,” Light said in a bright voice, “now, c’mere. Come to Papa.” 

L smiled at the praise. Good boy. He was a good boy. He needed to keep being a good boy. He needed to listen. So, L slowly crawled up to his Papa. 

Light, the voice in the back of his head shouted. He was crawling to Light. 

Light, wrapped his arms around the baby once L was close enough. “Good boy. Such a brave, good boy.”

L cooed happily and nuzzled against Light’s warm chest. 

“Such a cute baby,” Light tickled the baby’s neck, causing the baby to giggle, “cute baby.” 

L giggled again, looking up at Light with big, trusting eyes. 

Light smiled down at his baby.

Unfortunately, those were not the only problems L had after his experience with Asahi. The clinginess and fear mostly went away after a few days of cuddles and reassurances that everything was okay and that no one was ever going to hurt him again. But, two days after, L started to have nightmares about Asahi. He would wake up screaming and crying. L would not tell him what he dreamed about (L was not talking at all since the day that Light came home), but Light knew that they were about Asahi. He would look around his nursery as if expecting a monster to pop out of the shadows. 

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light said, bouncing the baby on his hip, for the third time that night, “look at me. Look at Papa,” L listened, “good boy. No one can hurt you. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.” 

L whimpered but nodded. He believed Light, but that did not stop the nightmares. L did not want anymore nightmares. 

“Good boy,” Light said, kissing the baby’s head, “now, let’s get you back ni-ni.” 

L whimpered as tears streamed down his face once again. He shook his head. While he was still really, really sleepy, he did not care. He did not want any more nightmares. They were so scary. He did not want to be scared anymore. 

“Aw, you poor thing,” Light said, kissing the side of L’s head, running a soothing hand through L’s hair. Something needed to change. L needed to be able to sleep. He was so sleepy that he nearly fell asleep while playing that afternoon. 

“How about this, Sweet Baby,” Light said, “you can sleep with Papa until these nightmares stop to make you feel safer, okay.” 

L nodded. He would never protest spending more time with Papa. Plus, Papa made him feel so, so safe. Maybe Papa could keep all of the monsters away. 

“Okay, my sweet baby. Let’s go,” Light told him. He walked over to L’s crib and picked up L’s favorite blankie. L cooed happily and snuggled it along with his friend. He rested his head against Light’s shoulder, not protesting when Light carried him out of the room. He turned left. He never turned right. L was not supposed to go right. 

“My good baby,” Light cooed as he tucked the baby into his bed. L cooed, reaching for Light when he got into bed. Light smiled, gathering the baby in his arms once he got into bed. L cooed happily and snuggled deeply into his Papa (Light). Light ran his baby’s hair and rubbed his back, “close your eyes and go back ni-ni.” 

L made a noise of agreement and closed his eyes. Now that he was here, snuggling with Light, it felt so much easier go back ni-ni. 

…

A month after Asahi, L was back to his normal self. It seemed that the whole experience helped make him closer to Light. He constantly wanted to snuggle and did things that he knew would earn him Light’s praise. He beamed when Light called him a good boy and gave him kisses. 

It was not the way that Light wanted to solidify his bond with L, but Light could not argue with the results. He could not get enough of how L would reach out for him or how L would relax into his arms and snuggle with him. 

Little did he know, L was not completely broken into what Light wanted him to be. He still had a voice in the back of his head that scolded him when he would think of Light as Papa and sometimes when he did the things that Light wanted him to do. It made L feel like he was going crazy. He was supposed to be Light’s good baby, and he was supposed to want Light to be Papa. He wanted those things. Didn’t he? The voice told him that he should not, even if he did. 

The voice was slowly getting quieter and quieter. L wished that it would shut up. It made everything so confusing. Without it, he could so easily fully succumb to the life that Light (that Papa) wanted for him. 

Little did he know, it would take one more instance for L to break fully.

…

L woke up one morning feeling horrible. His ears were throbbing so bad that he spat out his pacifier because it was making it worse. He was all hot but shivering. L started sobbing, tugging on his left ear, which hurt so much worse than his right. He wanted Papa. Papa would make it all better. He would take the owies away. 

He should not want Light, the voice said, and Light was not Papa. He was Light

The voice scolding him just made L cry harder. Why couldn’t he want Papa (Light)? He was in pain. He should want Light. Shouldn’t he? 

L heard the door to his nursery open. He cried louder, knowing that Light was there now. He wanted Light to know how much pain he was in. It did not occur to L that he was just making his pain worse by crying too much. 

“What’s wrong, my poor baby,” Light cooed, kissing L’s cheek when he picked him up. He noticed that L felt warm to the touch and was flushed. 

L was sick and with how he was tugging on his ear, he probably had an ear infection. 

“Are you sick? Poor baby,” Light said, bouncing the baby. He would need to get L to the doctors soon so that they could get medicine. He did not want L to suffer for longer than necessary. At least now he had someone to take care of him. 

“Okay, Baby, let’s get you changed then will get you a baba. After you baba we’ll need to take you to the doctor,” Light explained. 

L whimpered at the mention of the doctors. He never liked the doctors. Doctors hurt. 

“It’s okay, Baby Boy,” Light assured, laying the baby on the changing table, “Papa will be there. No one can hurt you.” 

L sniffled. Papa would be there. Papa meant no hurt. 

Light! He was Light, not Papa. 

“Good baby,” Light smiled when he was done changing the baby. 

When L attempted to suckle his bottle, it made a sharp pain go through his ear. L let go of his bottle and let out a pain filled wail, tugging on his ear. 

Light put down L’s bottle and brought the baby into a tight hug, “Shh, Baby,” Light cooed, rocking back and forth soothingly, “it’s okay, it’s okay baby. Papa’s got you.” 

L whimpered, clenching Papa’s (Light’s) shirt and snuggling closer to the man. It was not fair. He wanted to drink his baba like a good baby but his ears hurt.

Light sighed as he looked down at his poor, sick baby. They needed to get to the doctor now. 

…

The doctor’s visit went surprisingly well. As long as L was in his Papa’s (Light’s!) arms he was content to let the doctor poke at him, though he did whimper and whine at points. 

The doctor confirmed the suspension that L had an ear infection and prescribed antibiotics. The doctor told Light that L should start feeling better in three days, but if he is not better by the end of the week, to come back. 

Thankfully, L was all better in those three days. 

Papa was good, L thought it himself. He snuggled when L did not feel good and gave him medicine and read his favorite books. Papa made L all better, like he did after Asahi. 

L loves Papa for making him all better and for loving him. 

‘No! He should not love Light. Light was not Papa. Light was Light. Light brainwashed him into thinking all of this,’ the voice in the back of his mind shouted.

L stopped in his playing, the voice making tears burn in his eyes. He did not like the voice. The voice was mean- telling him that Light was not Papa, and that Papa was mean. Papa was not mean! Papa was Papa. Papa made him feel better. Papa played with him and snuggled him. Papa gave him food and babas. Papa gave him baths and changed his diapers. He did everything that a Papa was supposed to do. Papa was nice to him and told him that he was good. Papa loved him and he loved Papa. 

“Hey, Sweet Baby,” Light cooed, walking over to his baby’s playpen when he heard the baby start to sniffle, “what’s wrong?” 

L smiled when he saw Papa. He lifted his arms, the voice finally silent and not scolding him for thinking of Light as Papa or doing babish things. 

“Aw, you just want Papa,” Light smiled, picking the baby up.

L nodded, wrapping his arms around Papa. 

“Good baby,” Light praised, holding onto the baby tighter, “Papa’s good little baby. Papa loves you.” 

“Papa,” L cooed.

Light froze. L had called him Papa before, but it was always under distress or just after waking up. Plus, he had not spoken a word in months. All of L’s communication had been through coos and crying and body language. Light did not mind this as he would never minded it when L acted more like a baby, and it was all just simple detective work to figure out what L wanted. But, Light wanted to hear L call him Papa again and again. 

“That’s right, Baby,” Light said, “Papa loves you.”

L believed him, and the voice did not come back to tell him that he should not believe Light, or that Light was not Papa, just a deranged psychopath who succeeded in what he wanted. No, L’s head was silent of all those thoughts. The only thoughts in L’s mind were that Papa loved him and Papa was good. 

It has been a year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda sad to see this end. I can an idea for this and how this series could continue, but I need to finish my other fics first. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for reading this really sad and slightly disturbing fic.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally meant to be a one shot, but I made a timeline and realized that I want to and need to go into more detail than I first thought that I would. So, I'm going to describe L's conditioning in three or four parts and decided to write an intro. 
> 
> Also was not sure if I should rate this M or E, but decided to go with M as there will not be anything sexual or too graphic in this. If you think I should raise it, let me know.


End file.
